Irelande... Douze Pointe!

Dea-lá! I'm back from Ireland, where I spent a fab and fun four days with Snow and K-Rob. Getting there was pretty tense, thanks Ashcloud. I barely got any sleep the night before, due to my obsessively checking the BBC website to see if I'd be able to fly. It looked good. I got to the airport and it was looking fine. Went through security, no special massage. I had a gate to go to. A plane was there. They let us on the plane, after the inevitable Hunger Games-esque battle that is getting a seat on a Ryanair flight. We put seat belts on... they locked the doors... we did the jump to hyperspace... one hour later... HELLO IRELAND. 
I have no recollection of anything that happened on the first night as I was beyond exhausted. I suspect it involved wine and lots of chats... I think we may have watched some Home and Away too...

Now, before I go any further, I wanted to apologise. I did take photos while we were there but I forgot to bring the software with me to make them get from the camera to the computer. So, to liven up this post, I have used a very sophisticated program to recreate some of the events. You'll like it. Or not. 
Wednesday dawned and we got up and went into Cork City. I love Cork City, there are lovely shops and things and O'Conaill's chocolate shop is there and so I started work on my chocolate baby. And then lovely Orla came over for dinner and Snow made a scrummy pie and we ate it and then it was off to meet Martha and watch Alan Carr at the Cork Opera House.

The show was part of his warm up tour, testing out the material for his UK tour later in the year. It was pretty funny, my favourite line was him saying about living under a pylon and having a seagull for a leader. It was very London centric though, which took some of the lols away for the majority of the audience. What with them being Irish. And us being in Ireland... 
Then we went to Sin E for a supposedly swift drink. We weren't swift. We had a drink, decided it was imperative I moved to Cork and then celebrated by going dancing in Crane Lane to Sexrock. Seriously Sexrock. 
Here we are, dancing. 

Me, Snow, K-Rob and Martha getting down with our bad selves

We were dancing to the sexy tunes of Lord Bishop, a trio of degenerate sex-Gods from America, the leader of which was a seven foot tall wizard man. They were ace. All the songs were about sex or God and the singer kept trying to pour Jack Daniels into the gobs of his dancing minions. Some random American man started twirling me about all over the shop before lifting me right into his arms and spinning me about. He then vanished... I assumed I'd inadvertently broken his back but no! He'd gone to the bar. He came back and apparently went in for a kiss, but I missed this. Martha told me about it later whilst we were eating the World's Best Pizza. Thereby proving that I am a hot piece of ass in Cork. And also oblivious to a lot of things.

After he was done spinning me, a nice man called Adem from Morocco decided he'd have a go, but I was far too interested in spinning K-Rob and Snow around. Then we got a shout-out from the band who said 'This song goes out to these beautiful ladies here....' He then said something about having sex with all of us. We didn't like that bit so much. He was very sexually potent, we were a bit worried we might have got pregnant by osmosis. 

The following day, we went into town for a bit so Snow and K-Rob could do some biznizz. K-Rob's amazing jewellery is now stocked in Ruby and Peacock in Cork City. But if you can't get over there, you can always check out her Etsy shop, which she'll be restocking soon. We're also working on plans for general world domination but you'll have to wait and see for more on that. 

Then we went home and watched Tangled, which instantly became my second favourite Disney film of all time! Flynn Rider is a babe, Maximus is a dude, Rapunzal rocks and Pascal is a sweetie. 

These are my favourite Disney films:

Hercules

Tangled

Robin Hood

Beauty and the Beast

Friday was Zoo Trip Day! We met Mary for breakfast at The Mill and bullied her into joining us and then we (Snow) went and made pie and then we drove to the zoo! 

Us driving to the zoo

We saw lots of animals including giraffes, cheetahs, pelicans, kangaroos (complete with freaky baby kangaroos upside down inside them) gibbons, a tapir and some lemurs.

We saw three lemurs sitting having a cuddle... then a fourth one arrived... then a fifth... then a sixth! It was Cuddle O'clock in Lemur Town. And then the sixth one started grooming his gentleman parts in front of us... We left them to it... 

Then Snow took us on a tour of Ireland and we went to Garryvoe and Ballycotton and Midleton and Douglas and we had a look at where Rachel Allen has the cooking school in Ballymoloe and we ate some chips and went on a beach and had some tea and it was lovely. And later that night we all got drunkened and sang very loudly and tried to write our own song... which mostly consisted of one liners from the previous few days... it's got 'HIT' written all over it...

Then it was Saturday and we went back into Cork for lunch at Eddie Rockets and a final glimpse in all our favourite haunts before we had to fly home. We were very subdued on the flight, though K-Rob tried to keep my spirits up by telling me about all the wonderful things we shall see in Disney World in a few weeks.

On Sunday, K-Rob and I watched Southend Air Show and oooohed and aaaahhhhed at all the fancy planes and then she left too. So I now had no Snow and no K-Rob. Nightmare! It was especially bad as Snow had been taking brilliant care of us all week and now I had to make my own tea and sandwiches. DISLIKE.

And so here I am. I still need to catch up on Doctor Who and Game of Thrones, as well as knit a laptop and camera case.

And from Wednesday I'll be re-reading all of the HP books and watching the films in prep for the finale. I'll also be doing the 30 Day HP Challenge right here on my blog throughout June, so stay tuned. 

Finally, as a little treat here is a pic of K-Rob sliding down a pole in the play park at the zoo... just you wait until I can get the real pictures up...

One life. No fear.

Addendum: I've just read this back and I used the word 'Sex' a lot... that's the power of the Irish for you. They're a sexy bunch. 

From Stoke to Stockholm

Greetings and Salutations! I am KNACKERED. For the past few weeks I've been indulging in one of my very favourite things to do - MOOCH. I like mooching. I'll pretty much mooch anywhere too. I live for invitations and opportunities to pack a bag and bugger off. Urban Dictionary would have you believe that 'mooching' means taking advantage of someone. WRONG URBAN DICTIONARY. It means 'going for a wander.'  That told you.

Who looks stupid now? You do.

Anyway... so yeah... mooching. On the Tuesday night I went on a brilliant date with two of London's foxiest ladies, the lovely Caitlin and Asma. We watched Your Highness and then went out for waffles and milkshakes. The film was ace, not my usual taste at all but funny as you like. And Rasmus Hardiker is in it! Rasmus Hardiker is currently number one on the LL (Lick List for the uninitiated). He was one of the stars of the zombie film I did a few weeks back and I thought he was yummy. And then he rocked up in Your Highness! Not only did he rock up, but he stole every single damned scene he was in. He was brilliant. And I'm not just saying that because I want to lick him. He's funny and beautiful - my favourite kind. Although, it's hard going to watch the man you currently like best get dry-humped by a minotaur...

Ignore the silly haircut. I promise he's lovely. And talented too. Totally stole the show. 

The following day, whilst still recovering from any and all things involving minotaurs, I hot-footed it to Stoke and spent three glorious days hanging out with Emma G. And Neily B came all the way down from Scotland to see us too! Emma and I drank a lot of wine, fangirled the cast of Merlin and watched Harry Potter. On the Friday, we took Neil out, originally planning to go to a gay bar as Neil had never been to one... sadly after luring us in with Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, the music went all weird and dancey so we staged a revolt and covinced Emma to take us to an indie rock place... where the drinks were 'buy one get one free'. Get in. We danced and talked and it was all very cool. A boy bought me a drink and danced with me. Lovely.

Emma and I pre-clubbing. With a ghost. Definitely a ghost and not sunlight. Ghost. Fact.

Then I nipped into work for a few days before heading off to Sweden! Here's how that happened.

[Twitter]

James: I need an adventure

Me: I'm your woman!

James: Ok... where shall we go?

Me: Don't care as long as we go on a plane

James: When shall we go? Are you free 6th-7th May?

Me: *checks diary and realises that is one of the two weekends she has free before September* YES! 

James: Skype?

Me: YES!

So we went on Skype and decided that seeing as flights to Norway were cheapest, we'd go there. And then there was that awkward moment when you discover that your flights to Norway are actually taking you to Sweden... yeah. 

But it was fine! We figured out the nearest town to the airport was Nyköping and they had a hostel so we booked some rooms. Job done. We flew out on the early-bird flight on the Saturday morning and were there by 9am (after a very tense moment at airport security when I realised I'd misspelled my own name... Fail). We went off and had a look around the town... it was a nice town! So clean and quiet! And I think I can add Nyköping to the list of cities I'm attractive in as EVERYONE stared. I'd noticed I was getting more than my fair share of glances but it was confirmed when James pointed it out too. 

List of places where I am considered attractive:

1. Cork City

2. Nyköping

We had a look in the shops; I bought a copy of Deathly Hallows in Swedish. James and I marvelled at how the TARDIS was translating the book for us... only to realise we weren't suddenly fluent in Swedish but had read it so many times we knew it off by heart. We then went and played mini-golf and I won! Not really. Of course I didn't bloody win. I got my arse handed to me on a plate. But in my defence it was my first ever go. 

Then James chased a goose off a jetty and we sat by the water for a while before deciding to go and check in. And on the way back we saw a bloody Arctic Tern and a hare! An actual hare! It was amazing. I love nature. They have jackdaws over there in the same way we have pigeons. I’d never seen a wild jackdaw before. We then sat by the train tracks for a bit, marvelling at double-decker trains before going up town to some pubs. We had a quick drink in English pub Oliver Twist’s (seriously) followed by one in Cocktails and Dreams and another in a place I’ve forgotten the name of. Then we went to the supermarket and got some beers before heading back to the train tracks to drink them there, James in his hoody. English people are dead classy.

Day two! We got the train to Stockholm and spent the entire journey peering out the window for moose. Sweden have a lot of moose, apparently (at least according to the gift shop at the airport) and we were determined to see one in the wild. We did not. We arrived in Stockholm, had a mooch about by the City Hall and the river and then headed into Gamla Stan (that’s Old Town to you lot). Gamla Stan is NERDTASTIC! Within seconds we’d stumbled across a toy shop, a comic book shop and some underground (literally, in vaults) coffee houses. Out came the Krona… 

An elusive Swedish Moose. You would think having a population of between 300,000 - 400,000 would increase the chances of seeing one. Well, you'd be wrong if you thought that. 

Gamla Stan is a beautiful medieval town, full of windy avenues and tall buildings. It’s so incredibly picturesque and cool that nothing I write here will do justice to it. I could quite happily spend a couple of days just wandering around and stopping for coffee. In fact, I’m going to. We also found the Swedish equivalent of Forbidden Planet and spent a good hour marvelling at stuff. I bought a copy of Ali Shaw’s The Girl With Glass Feet (and my very favourite book) in Swedish and marvelled again at the TARDIS’s ability to translate for me… To celebrate I ate meatballs with cream sauce and lingonberries. Like a native (or someone that visits IKEA regularly. Weirdly, my friends and I used to go to IKEA just for daytrips as we liked it so much. We referred to that as ‘Going to Sweden’. And my bed in the hostel was made by IKEA. Hmmmm…)

Then it was time to get back on the train and head back to Nyköping to get the flight back home. All we wanted was a double-decker train and to see a moose. Well… WE GOT THE TRAIN! We got to sit upstairs on a train speeding through some of the most beautiful countryside on the planet. No moose though. We saw some deer but no moose. Next time…


And then we had a few brief moments back by our train tracks with the last of the beer (which James manfully opened without a bottle opener) before it was time to come home. Sadface. I hate the bit where you have to come home. Luckily, I've learnt that the best way to get over the heartbreak of one adventure ending is to already have another one lined up for the future... more on that later.


And that was my week. Yesterday I met my lovely friend SophieSoph for burritos and margaritas and secret dress-making plans... I've 'commissioned' a dress for Deathly Hallows Part Two and SophieSoph is my master seamstress on this endeavour... but I'll say no more... Spoilers, Sweetie... 

I'm not just a Timelord... I'm the last of the Timelords... sort of...

Bad blogger! What the hell am I playing at - not updating?! BAD MEL.

I apologise for the lack of updates about my world - I'm sure all three of my subscribers have lost faith in me... I've let you down, guys. But, if it's not too late, allow me to try and fix it... by telling you all about the day I flew the TARDIS.

It was a Saturday, I'd spent the day before frantically making a TARDIS skirt...

Behold the TARDIS skirt - and don't even consider asking if it's bigger on the inside, I've been dieting like a crazy woman for Leaky and will not take kindly to your cheek. 

There it is. That's 6 hours of hardcore gluing right there. And I'm sorry about the terrible picture quality but I took it on my phone. I'm not even sure if the function I used was a camera or the sheer power of my mind channelled through it, but I *think* you get the gist. Hopefully, there will be better photos and then I'll whore them out to you properly.

So, I've got my skirt on and my The Whos t-shirt and I'm heading off to meet my friend Sophie so we can go to Forbidden Planet for Doctor Who day and get some free Timelord swag. After that I'm off to The Doctor Who Experience in Earls Court, followed by a party at Jigglypuff's (all whilst dressed as the TARDIS).

DISASTER! Jiggles got all mullered up the night before and has cancelled her party... The TARDIS must go home. Sadface... but wait... what's that on the horizon..? It's my knight on a white charger. AKA Sophie, who is having a BBQ and will let me go as long as I don't try and speak to any of her friends or try to be funny or witty. Job done!

So we went into Forbidden Planet and got our goody bags (mine contained a badge with a Dalek on, a Cyberman figure and most bizarrely... Dalek napkins. I kid you not. I am now the proud owner of some Dalek napkins...)

Then I went off to the DW Experience... and it was awesome!

We were taken onto The Starship UK and a Node was just in the middle of giving us a tour of some of the charming things they have collected (a very large telescope, a Van Gogh picture of the TARDIS) when BAM! Shit got real. The Doctor popped up on a screen, looking for Pond. Pond was not amongst the party so it was down to us to save the earth. Again. Cue the fworp-fworp signifying the TARDIS is coming and then we all went aboard. That's right - I went through the blue door into the TARDIS. And it really is bigger on the inside. We approached the controls, I had to elbow some little kid out of the way to get to one. Matt Smith said to make sure the kids were at the controls as adults were boring and drank coffee. I rarely drink coffee and we all know I'm secretly an eleven-year old boy trapped in the body of a hella sexy lady. So I ignored him.

We took off. The TARDIS was shaking and rocking everywhere and The Doctor was bellowing instructions and it seemed to be going brilliantly. And then it's not going brilliantly and we are in trouble. Big trouble. We have to leave the TARDIS, Christ knows where she's taken us. We rush down a corridor into a flight deck, it seems we're on a spaceship. And then a door opens and a Dalek comes out. We turn, horrified, only to realise our mistake a split second later when two emerge behind us. We're trapped. And they're pissed off. Bad times. It was genuinely scary to be faced with a Dalek screaming EXTERMINATE! Seriously, I felt the fear. Luckily The Doctor rocked up to try and talk them down. And promptly failed. So we're all braced for immediate and excruciating death when we're suddenly attacked by some other Daleks. This makes the original Daleks very angry and while they're freaking out we leg it.

The effects for this part were incredible. To suddenly see a spaceship loom up outside of a window and start firing was brilliant. But we had to go whilst we could and so we did. Right into a graveyard full of Weeping Angels. NOT OK. My eyes were almost bleeding from the effort of not blinking whilst we passed by them. I think we all made it.

The Doctor came back and told us he was going to get us out of there but then we were sucked into a vortex... Cybermen grabbed at us, Daleks fired at us, Sontarans glared, three Weeping Angels lunged at us... All in 3D which made very scary but very cool. Luckily, The Doctor managed to do some fancy trickery and get us out of the vortex and safely back to earth.

And then it was time for the exhibition. Which is stunning, You get to get very close up to two previous TARDIS sets and all of the major character costumes, as well as get to really pour over the details of some of the best-known and loved aliens and monsters. My personal favourite was the Vashta Nerada exhibit... think about it. And obviously the now-famed "Toilets located behind the Pandorica" sign.

Yup

It was just amazing. If you love Doctor Who, you have to go. And there are rumours it's being located permanently to Cardiff once the London run is done. Also - if you do go, don't just get a regular ticket but upgrade to at least the Silver package as I did and got £35 worth of merch for free... not bad when the ticket alone cost £31...

And then onto the BBQ, which took place in a park in Camberwell, Sophie and I, ever the classy ladies chugged back some violently blue alcopop stuff and talked about dresses (You can take the girls out of the City of Villains yada, yada, yada). We then went back to hers and looked at fabric for a bit. And then I was going to go home but my friends Rachael and Nathan invited me round for supper so I nipped in there and drank a lot of wine and ate stir-fry.

All whilst dressed as the TARDIS. Good times.

Oh... And Happy Star Wars Day... May the Fourth be with you xxx

Diary of the dead

Dear diary,

Yesterday I was dead. And then I died again. Nightmare.

That's right. Yesterday I fulfilled a dream and got to be a zombie. Not a real one obviously, as we all know in the event of a zombie apocalypse I'm staying alive. I have a plan and I'm a survivor. But in the interests of balance I've always wondered about how the other half live.

And now I know. For I have been a zombie for the film, Cockneys vs Zombies. Yesterday, I had to get up at 3.30am, a mere three hours after going to bed. I was on the train to London by half four and arrived at Canary Wharf at quarter to 6.

I was terrified. Walking into a room full of people who'd been on set the day before and who knew the ropes was so daunting... but everyone was so nice! I met a man named Simon who (after referring to me as 'Fresh Meat') took me to wardrobe, where I was complimented on my outfit and told I'd be covered in blood. 'Brilliant,' said I. I then signed a disclaimer form and popped off to make-up.

'How bad do you want to look?' Jess, my make-up artist asked.
'F**k me up,' said I. 'I want to make myself physically sick when I look in the mirror. I wish to repulse myself.'

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids. No seriously. Hide them. Or I'll eat them.

Judging by my barely concealed smirk, I'm not that repulsed. But I can see how you would be.

Then it was time for Zombie School. At Zombie School, we learn about the modus operandi of the zombie. Which is flesh. Zombies cannot see very well but they can hear and smell humans and will stop at nothing to get them. Zombies don't go around objects; they go through them... or bounce off them 'til they can go around. Zombies hold no prejudice. Regardless of gender, sexual preference, skin colour, religion, football team affiliation or Hogwarts house, if you are alive and close enough they'll eat ya. In a way, they inhabit an almost Utopian state. It's a weird way, but it's a way nonetheless.

After Zombie School I had to prove my walk to the zombie coach. So myself, Tanya and Alicia (other new blood [ho hum]) staggered around a car park for a bit, dragging our feet and grabbing each other.

Then it was time to go to set!

Things they never tell you about film sets - there is an awful lot of hanging around. Especially if you weren't there the day before and so therefore can't film the current scene due to continuity. But we had a blast, hanging out with Jules (who'd died the day before) and drinking tea, stealing Simon's camera and taking photos of ourselves and watching the action. Alicia, Tanya and Jules got to do some fancy photography stuff which was ace. And then it was lunch. Which was fully catered. Back of the net.

Then the afternoon and I got to do my first scene! It involved staggering towards a man wielding a machine gun with live rounds in. This does not mean actual live rounds, but blanks. But they still banged when he fired.  And we had to wear earplugs. It was cool. People actually yelled 'Action' and 'Rolling' and that stuff, the director called me 'My Dear', some famous people spoke to me.  And if that scene makes the cut, you'll almost definitely see my legs in that shot.

Then we were taken away to do some close-up stuff. This was AMAZING. We had to stand in a line and lurch on the spot and the scene became progressively freakier. At first we stood in a line, shambling, staring at the floor. Then they asked Tanya to look at the camera. And then they gave her and Jules white contact lenses. And then they shot blood guns into our faces  (this was as literal as it sounds - they filled a pump gun full of blood and fired it at us. Repeatedly). And then they made Tanya spit blood at the camera. It looks insane. If it doesn't make the film, it would such a waste. Tanya looked incredible. Even after being shot in the eyes with the blood gun, she managed to open them and glare. With her whited-out eyes covered in blood. You've no idea.

Me, Tanya and Jules. Yup. Shit scary.

And then they bought us some sandwiches. Yay!

Finally, we thought we'd been wrapped, but Tanya and I were called in to be corpses in one of the final scenes. This is where my DH premiere training from last year came in handy. I can totally lay on the streets of London in comfort. Hell yeah!

Also. you've no idea how weird it is to have someone check your make-up all the time. Ladies just came up to you and started peering at you and then dabbing away with sponges and brushes. It's scary how used to it you become, but I suppose if I'd done such an amazing job on someone, I'd want to make sure they stayed that way. The make-up ladies were fabulous. And I've really missed them today. No-one has come up to me and flicked blood in my face. or poured it down my front.

And that was that. Time to get the make-up off and go. I couldn't get half of it off and so got on the Tube looking like this:

You've got red on you

Only one lady asked me if I was OK. Everyone else avoided making eye contact. And on the train home, no one would sit by me, despite the fact it was packed. Amazing.

It was a brilliant, brilliant day. I got to meet some amazing people, get covered in blood and stumbled about. I even did some moaning. And if my shots aren't cut, I might even be in a film.

How about that then.

Today really is one of the greats.

This is a blog post to show off.

I got home from work today to find post from my lovely friend Chris, who is the head of sound at RADA.

This is what he sent me.

Oh yeah, Alan Rickman

Today is made of win. My friend Chris is made of win. Alan Rickman sends me 'Best Wishes'. All is right in the world.

That is all.

Oh Hai Mel! Remember that time...

... that you inadvertently destroyed the village you used to live in?

I'm currently doing some writing for Magic is Might, the on-line interactive experience for Harry Potter fans, which details all of the things which happened in the wizarding world leading up to The Final Battle.

So I drafted a couple of articles for starters... one of which involved an attack on an elderly wizard by a muggle gang, which I based in a village I used to live in.

A few hours later, this was posted:

Cue much virtual carnage. It was grim. Total pillage and destruction.

A few days later, this was posted:

Bugger.

Not only did I accidentally end up getting Berkswell mangled beyond repair but it also got pinned on the good guys.

Sorry Berkswell.

Pass me the Ginger Beer, that vampire just died (Wrock weekend Pt2)

So... after Hercules we fell asleep. And then we awoke! Always a happy ending to a good night's sleep in my book.

*Spoiler Alert* Don't bother reading any further if you don't know how Series 3 of Being Human ends. I'm telling you now as I don't want you to get into the blog and then accidentally get spoiled because my writing is so compelling. So stop reading now. OK, good.

(Edit - just realised that if you'd read the title of the blog and my spoiler alert and if you had a brain you'd have probably figured the rest out. Well, I'm sorry but I'm not changing the title. I like it. It's your own fault for not having watched it yet. There is no excuse. If you can be online reading this you could be online watching it on BBC iPlayer. Let that be a lesson to you.)

Right then - for the rest of you:

We loafed around a bit (a lot) drinking tea and chatting until it was time to get ready and go to town and say good bye to Amy. It was sad. It's not nice having to say goodbye to people. Especially when they live relatively far away. Although theoretically it takes me the same amount of time to get to Ireland and it does to get back to my mum's and I visit her. Sometimes. Point being, I should go there more. To Ireland. Not mum's. Though I should probably make more effort with that too.

After we said farewell to Amy we mooched about Reading for a bit and ate some Krispy Kreme and then got the bus back to Kylie's. Except instead of just going back we went on an adventure in the woods!

It was just like being in an Enid Blyton novel. I even had a can of Ginger Beer. So we stalked through the trees, alongside the river, chatting away about otters and kingfishers and minks (minks? is that the plural for mink? Isn't it just 'mink'? I'm going to Google, brb .. it is minks. Weird. Talking of which, here is a picture I found on the Wikipedia page of a lady wearing a mink stole.

I don't think she is a queen, but I do kinda think she's a bitch for wearing fur. Maybe she didn't know it was real? I hope not. Wow, this has been a really long aside. I'll get back to story now. Sorry).

So we were wandering and keeping an eye out for herons. This is, in truth, why we ended up by the lakes. I quite fancied seeing a heron and dragged Lizzy and K-Rob along for the ride. Funnily enough, this is how a lot of our adventures happen, I'll quite fancy the idea of something but will assemble an army of accomplices to join me.

We walked all the way down by a river and then along White Swan lake, which was gorgeous.

Me staring across the lake. How wistful. Really wish I'd brushed my hair.

We walked all the way around it, seeing many ducks and coots and moorhens and talking about Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and other stuff. And then we saw a heron on the other side of the lake! At least, K-Rob and Lizzy did. I didn't have my glasses with me but I did see a white blob. Heron. Fact.

And we saw some swans.

"Awwww... look at the swans."
"Are they swimming towards us?"
"Yes, but they won't come right up."
"They're coming right up."
"They won't get too close."
"They're getting closer."
"RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN"

We legged it back into the reeds. First rule of swans: They are descended from dinosaurs. ("You can really see the velociraptors in their eyes" "Yeah, and in birds of prey's eyes" "Yeah! Not so much in robin's eyes though").

And then we decided to go home and order some pizza. And then we got lost. And then night started to fall.

But it was ok! We are intrepid go-getter girly types! And we had some water and a Charleston Chew on us. And we could learn to forage and find food from the land. Or use our phones to Google Map the way out.

Eventually, we found our way out (oh, the advantages of getting lost with Hufflepuffs) and then we got back to K-Rob's and ordered pizza. And then K-Rob had to go but Lizzy and I stayed anyway and hung out with Matt.

No, Stan, we did not ask the Knightbus to drop us in Wales

And watched the series finale of Being Human.

You were the love of my long life *sob*

K-Rob swears she heard us scream at the end. We did scream. And cry. And clutched at each other. I mean, we kinda knew it was going to happen but there was that split-second where we thought it would be OK. It was not OK.


The King is dead. Basically because Stan Shunpike was going to use him as a hired killer otherwise. Nice to see Lee Ingleby on the tellybox again. And when he plays a psychotic megalomaniac he's kinda cute. Aidan Turner, Russell Tovey, Lenora Crichlow and Sinead Keenan were all amazing. Hats off to them. Excited for Series 4.


And then the following day I met K-Rob for a nice burrito lunch and a sit down by the river and a discussion about Hercules and Disney Princesses and what would happen if Meg met The Beast and and then I went home. Via Forbidden Planet which I found all on my own. Yeah, how about that then.

It was a good weekend.

Literal Interpretive Dancing in London (Wrock Weekend Pt1)

I am a jammy bugger, tis true. I got to have another of those completely amazing weekends with my friends. You know the ones, the ones where we are all there and amazing things happen and we laugh and memories are built.

Yeah, I did another one of those.

It started on a Saturday (in actuality it started on Twitter and Facebook and Skype about 3 weeks beforehand but I'm glossing over that part right now). I (finally) arrived in London town and met Amy and K-Rob and then Jiggles showed up (with her incredibly gorgeous new haircut) and we hugged and squee-d and it was lovely. And then Amy went off to do some stuff and Jiggles, K-Rob and I decided to go out to Upton Park to The Who Shop...

Which was awesome!

Jiggles and I outside of West Ham football club, making Dean Thomas proud.
"Wha choo talkin' 'bout Dumbledore?'

We got to have some photos taken with a Dalek and we met a nice lady and we went around and around in the shop and looked at all of the amazing stuff they had. They had socks with David Tennant on (which obviously I bought) and a cup in the shape of the TARDIS (which obviously I bought) and loads of other stuff like T-shirts and collector's magazines and keyrings and Dalek models and all the Doctor's as figures and posters and novels (which I did not buy - YET) and it was amazing. They also have a mini-cinema in there and to get into it you have to go through the TARDIS, but we didn't get to go in that. Next time. It was a fabulous shop. Carol, the lady who works there is really nice and we had a good chat with her about all things Whoovian.

K-Rob and I with a Dalek. He wasn't so bad.

Then we made our way back across London to meet Emma, Lizzy and Amy (bumping into James S, Laura and Cathrin on the way... pretty much during a 'signal failure') to get cupcakes. Mmmmmm Hummingbird Bakery. One of the rare times when the product lives up to the hype. I had the Black Bottom Cupcake and it was sooooo good. You just can't go wrong with cheesecake. I kinda wish I'd chewed it a bit more to get the maximum flavour from it. Never mind, guess I'll just have to go back...

After a quick tea-break and a chat with Amy's lovely friend Robin, it was time for the muso's to go sound-check and the fangirls to go and make a nuisance of themselves in The Smoke.

On our way to find Forbidden Planet we made a pit-stop at Cyber Candy and went batshit. K-Rob had to physically restrain me from spending £20 on tins of mints (they had mints that looked like Zelda shields, and Mario Mushrooms and Garlic Mints to repel vampires and moustache mints and werewolf repelling mints and brain mints for zombies and mints in Wii controller boxes... it was Mint Mania). For some reason, the idea of not owning all those little tins full of minty goodness was awful and I crammed them into my basket... but as I said, K-Rob took me aside and we had a little talk about how many tins of mints a girl needs and I was allowed to keep 3 of them. I also got some pumpkin flavoured biscuit sticks and some Moustache Elixer (flavour still unidentified) and some Cherry Mash (I still need to Google what this is) and we all got some Mountain Dew flavoured lip-balm. It was madness. Not quite as bad as when we were in Honeydukes but not far off.

Then we set off to meet Eliza in Forbidden Planet, except we couldn't find Forbidden Planet, even though 50% of the party were Hufflepuffs (We had a chat about this as well, when did AVPM and S stuff become canon? And how did we know what Hufflepuffs did before?) After trolling up and down Shaftesbury Avenue for about an hour we got bored and decided to go and get Chinese food. So we had dinner and Eliza came to us and then it was time to go!

And we met some boys on the Tube! There is an unwritten rule on the Tube when, if it is daylight, you may not talk to or communicate with any other passengers, even if they are your friends and you got on with them. But after darkness falls it is mandatory to talk to everyone in your carriage. So we chatted to some rugby-type boys about Bagheera, Shere Khan, Kaa, Sir Hiss and whether the reason Maid Marian was also a fox in Disney's Robin Hood was to prevent the ick-factor of potential inter-species breeding. And when we finally got to the venue it was amazing! It's so nice to walk into a room and see it full of faces you know and love! It's so awesome to go from hug to hug to hug as you get to see all the people you've missed. Neil was there! YAY! Lauren and Colleen were there! YAY! Elvira and Malik were there! YAY! James was there! YAY! Reine was there! YAY! And it's even more awesome when this takes place in a student venue and the wine is only £3 for a large glass. GOOD TIMES.

First up was the magical Margo with her band, The Deathsticks. Margo's voice is amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. She is able to move between notes with such grace and fluidity, making complex key changes which are haunting, to say the least. More than once during her set the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. 'To The Death' is such a brilliant showcase for her talent and my favourite song of hers. And she did a cover of Florence and the Machine's 'Dog Days' about Sirius (swoon). And one of 'Marauder's Map', which we managed to mess up the dance to. I don't think she minded though.

And then Amy was up as Romilda Vane and Kylie and I got to jump on stage and sing with her on 'Going to Hogwarts', which was beautiful and scary (beautiful being Amy and scary being me - pretty sure they turned the mic off once I got up there but they said not...).

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids

She also did the fabulous 'Godric's Hollow' and her version of 'Seven Potters', which is always a favourite with the crowd (and it was me that hit the top B. Siriusly. It was actually me.) Also, Margo joined her for a song which was ace as, throughout Margo's set Amy had been very softly singing along and I could hear and it was magical, to actually hear them together was lush. Properly lush. And she ended the set with Katy Perry's 'Firework'. Which was GENIUS as it got to showcase Amy's voice in a more pop-culture way and also meant we got to jump around. Normally I sob my way through Amy's sets as she's got this knack of using notes and lyrics which tug at my heartstrings. So it was nice that my mascara stayed intact.

It was also a clever move on her part as it got us all right in the mood for the hijinks of Siriusly Hazza P. They started off with 'Madame Puddifoots', which I love as it's a swing-esque song about tea. I love swing and I love tea. You can't normally combine them very well as scalding and a trip to A&E usually ensue if you try. However, somehow, SHP have managed it. So I take my veiled and be-ribboned hat off to them. They also played 'Witchface', which was poignant for me as two days before I'd dreamt they made blue glittery Team Laura: Witchface and red glittery Team Cathrin: Witchface badges for their merch (this was not a prophetic dream. I wish it had have been). For the record, I would have bought one of each. Obviously they finished with 'John Simons' (pretty sure they'd be lynched if they didn't) and just in the nick of time too as we were all knackered from dancing.

We rallied for a dance party though. Apparently at some point we did literal interpretive dances to 'Snape vs. Snape' and 'House Song'. And then I (allegedly) went one step too far and re-enacted A-Carp's video of 'My Baby'. I don't remember this at all and I remember the rest of the night clearly so I'm pretty sure it's a lie.

Then home to Reading  (via more interaction on the Tube) to watch Hercules (tee hee) and then sleeps.

And part two of the weekend comes tomorrow*

*and by tomorrow I mean when I'm good and bloody ready.

Who put the 'Glad' in Gladiator? HERCULES.

This blog started off being about how absolutely awesome Megara from Hercules is. I thought it was about time the spunkiest and sassiest Disney lady got a little bit of kudos. But in order to get the research right I had to sit and watch Hercules and it got me to thinking that not only is Meg awesome, but the whole damn film is just perfect. Hercules is, start-to-finish, a total and utter feast for the senses. It's the best Disney film. 


'O Rly?' you cry.


Yh. Rly. 

First up, let's look at Meg. Do you consider her a Disney Princess? 


Because Disney doesn't consider her a Disney Princess. She is a "Guest Princess" ... WTF? OK, so she isn't the daughter of a King, which is Traditional Princess Route A (TPRA). But she does marry a prince (Zeus, Herc's father is King of the Gods. Of the GODS [yeah, not just your average, common-or-garden mortal King but uber-royalty, King of Kings]. Making Herc a Godly Prince - hence, TPRB). So why doesn't she count as a Princess? And how the heck does Mulan count as a Princess? Well, from looking at the line-up of Disney Princesses, it seems as though there just isn't a target demographic to market Meg at. Lots of different ethnicities and skin colours are catered for in the Princess line and lots of different hair colours too, meaning almost every kind of girl can find a physical characteristic she can identify with in a Disney Princess. But there's no room for Meg. 


Are you freaking kidding me? What about the target demographic of girls who grow as people and learn something about themselves as they make their journey through life? What about the girls who aren't massively content to have a nap/hide in the woods/sweep the kitchen and wait for their rescue? What about the girls who are capable of doing the rescuing?


Apparently I missed the bit where it stopped being 2011 and we went back 100 years. Hercules was made in 1997 (other awesome stuff that happened in 1997 - Harry Potter was first published, we won the Eurovision song contest, Jurassic Park - The Lost World came out). And here we are, 14 years later and the sassiest, most forward-thinking Disney heroine is all but forgotten. And she really is a hero! A 'True Hero' as Zeus would have it. She lays down her own life for Hercules (admittedly he does the same but we'll come back to that later). And it's the second time she's put the person she loves waaaaaaay ahead of herself, even though the consequences are dire for her. 


When she realises she has feelings for Herc - even though she has no plans to acknowledge them - she tells Hades she won't help him hurt Hercules (and she doesn't directly - Herc is already in love with her when Hades decides to use that as part of his plan, Meg has done nothing further to aid Hades). When it all gets a bit grim, she goes and rescues Pegasus, finds Philoctetes and goes and tells Hercules what's going on. She accepts her own death as a fair price for Herc's. And finally, when he achieves his life-long dream of returning to Olympus as a God, she is prepared to let him go, even though she loves him. 


She grows throughout the film too and she learns about herself and about other people. At the beginning of the film she clearly thinks men are weak and stupid, fickle creatures and are only there to be played with at Hades' behest. She thinks all people are petty and dishonest. She thinks it's OK to manipulate and play around with people. And by the end? She knows that all of the above is not necessarily right. She learns that not all people are the same and that not everyone is a user. She learns that doing the right thing is more important than doing the easy thing (where have we heard this before?). Not that many other Disney girls actually grow as people during the films. Mostly it's just the circumference of their dress hems which grow.


(Is this why Meg isn't a Princess? Because she doesn't do a costume change into a meringue? Shame on you, Disney). 


And she dies. She actually, full-on dies. She doesn't have a magical nap but she bites it. Take that, Snow White. Suck it up, Sleeping Beauty. She sacrifices herself to save another's life (again - this motif seems a little familiar). 


And she has hips. And she uses them. All my best moves are thanks to Megara. 

Meg. My mentor.

Which brings us to Herc. Who is just a straight-up, nice guy. He's not streetwise, or slick or regal or a genius. He's kinda awkward, he loves his parents (all of them) he's a little silly and has the very best intentions, almost all of the time. And like Meg, when he falls in love he falls deep. After Meg gives up her life for his, he fights his way to Hades' realm, tames Cerberus and then dives into a river (I'm guessing at Lethe) to pull her out, even though this might mean he dies too. I know it's pretty common for Disney boys to be all self-sacrificing, but how many have to do it because the girl they love has already died for them? 


He's a hard worker too, that boy Herc. He makes Luke Skywalker's training with Yoda look like a game of Rally 1-2-3. He trains and he trains and then he saves and he saves and he keeps on at it because he wants to achieve his dream. What a positive role-model he is! He quite literally wants to go the distance and he's willing to do the work involved.


But the very best thing about Hercules? At the end, he is offered the very thing he has been fighting for throughout whole film. He is finally offered a place in Olympus, to take his place by his father as a God. And he says 'Nope.' Because he has finally realised that where he belongs is with Meg. He gives up the chance to be a God because he loves Meg. He is THE MAN. 


And talking of 'the man', what about Hades? He's just such a dude. He's sarcastic, flippant and completely terrifying. And he's kinda hot. I'm serious, Hades is buff. I can see how Disney have tried to uglify him so we can identify him as the baddie but he's still hench and charming with it. He charms the Fates into giving him what he wants after all. And they are a tough crowd. 

Admit it. He's charismatic.

Oh yeah - and he's a God. Not a nasty step-mother, or a witch, or a weird French fop or even a megalomaniacal lion (though Scar is boss). He'a a God. So surely as evil goes he's the cream of the crop? He doesn't have a castle stronghold, but an entire realm. His hair is fire. He's funny.


Do you know what else? Despite the fact that the majority of the cast are Gods, demi-Gods or mythical creatures they are all incredibly human. They all have faults. Meg isn't saccharine-sweet and perfect, animals don't flock from the forest to be near her delicate presence. In fact, she can be a bitch at times. Hercules isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hades can be reasonable and compassionate. He tells Hercules he'll keep Meg safe while the Titan's rampage. Even though he owns her soul anyway. Every single one of them has flaws. 


How could I forget the songs?! The songs are amazing?! Who doesn't start jerking their shoulders involuntarily when we hear the Muses. They are fabulous! Who hasn't sang 'Go the Distance' in their head when they've been schlepping through the snow in mid-winter? Who hasn't hummed 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' after a surprisingly good third date? The score is out-and-out amazing. It's catchy and sweet and hella sexy. 


What more do you want in a Disney film? It has all the necessary tropes to make it recognisable as a Disney film but it also has a few surprises too. It's forward-thinking and empowers women, it's got a bit of smut for the grown-ups. The songs are catchy and sing-a-long-able. The hero is definitely an actual hero and the heroine is totally a heroine. Sure, it takes a story and turns it on its head, that's Disney and we're OK with that. But this is more than just your average Disney film. This is a film about growth and hard work and perseverance. Not tra-la-la-ing until someone comes to save the day.


So there we have it. A very biased and one sided diatribe about Hercules. The best Disney film ever. And if you disagree, you're wrong. Pure and simple. But feel free to rebut :) 

Shoes.

I now own a pair of these shoes.

They are mine. I went into T K Maxx for the very first time today and was having a look around and I saw them. And they were in my size. The only pair in the whole damn shop and they're in my size. And they are about 80% off. In my size. Only pair. Mine.

Mine.

If I could change my Facebook status to 'In a relationship with Irregular Choice' I would.

I love them. How on earth were they still on the shelf? The shop had been open for at least 5 hours before I spotted them. People of Lewisham - what were you thinking?

What fools these mortals be.