Who put the 'Glad' in Gladiator? HERCULES.

This blog started off being about how absolutely awesome Megara from Hercules is. I thought it was about time the spunkiest and sassiest Disney lady got a little bit of kudos. But in order to get the research right I had to sit and watch Hercules and it got me to thinking that not only is Meg awesome, but the whole damn film is just perfect. Hercules is, start-to-finish, a total and utter feast for the senses. It's the best Disney film. 


'O Rly?' you cry.


Yh. Rly. 

First up, let's look at Meg. Do you consider her a Disney Princess? 


Because Disney doesn't consider her a Disney Princess. She is a "Guest Princess" ... WTF? OK, so she isn't the daughter of a King, which is Traditional Princess Route A (TPRA). But she does marry a prince (Zeus, Herc's father is King of the Gods. Of the GODS [yeah, not just your average, common-or-garden mortal King but uber-royalty, King of Kings]. Making Herc a Godly Prince - hence, TPRB). So why doesn't she count as a Princess? And how the heck does Mulan count as a Princess? Well, from looking at the line-up of Disney Princesses, it seems as though there just isn't a target demographic to market Meg at. Lots of different ethnicities and skin colours are catered for in the Princess line and lots of different hair colours too, meaning almost every kind of girl can find a physical characteristic she can identify with in a Disney Princess. But there's no room for Meg. 


Are you freaking kidding me? What about the target demographic of girls who grow as people and learn something about themselves as they make their journey through life? What about the girls who aren't massively content to have a nap/hide in the woods/sweep the kitchen and wait for their rescue? What about the girls who are capable of doing the rescuing?


Apparently I missed the bit where it stopped being 2011 and we went back 100 years. Hercules was made in 1997 (other awesome stuff that happened in 1997 - Harry Potter was first published, we won the Eurovision song contest, Jurassic Park - The Lost World came out). And here we are, 14 years later and the sassiest, most forward-thinking Disney heroine is all but forgotten. And she really is a hero! A 'True Hero' as Zeus would have it. She lays down her own life for Hercules (admittedly he does the same but we'll come back to that later). And it's the second time she's put the person she loves waaaaaaay ahead of herself, even though the consequences are dire for her. 


When she realises she has feelings for Herc - even though she has no plans to acknowledge them - she tells Hades she won't help him hurt Hercules (and she doesn't directly - Herc is already in love with her when Hades decides to use that as part of his plan, Meg has done nothing further to aid Hades). When it all gets a bit grim, she goes and rescues Pegasus, finds Philoctetes and goes and tells Hercules what's going on. She accepts her own death as a fair price for Herc's. And finally, when he achieves his life-long dream of returning to Olympus as a God, she is prepared to let him go, even though she loves him. 


She grows throughout the film too and she learns about herself and about other people. At the beginning of the film she clearly thinks men are weak and stupid, fickle creatures and are only there to be played with at Hades' behest. She thinks all people are petty and dishonest. She thinks it's OK to manipulate and play around with people. And by the end? She knows that all of the above is not necessarily right. She learns that not all people are the same and that not everyone is a user. She learns that doing the right thing is more important than doing the easy thing (where have we heard this before?). Not that many other Disney girls actually grow as people during the films. Mostly it's just the circumference of their dress hems which grow.


(Is this why Meg isn't a Princess? Because she doesn't do a costume change into a meringue? Shame on you, Disney). 


And she dies. She actually, full-on dies. She doesn't have a magical nap but she bites it. Take that, Snow White. Suck it up, Sleeping Beauty. She sacrifices herself to save another's life (again - this motif seems a little familiar). 


And she has hips. And she uses them. All my best moves are thanks to Megara. 

Meg. My mentor.

Which brings us to Herc. Who is just a straight-up, nice guy. He's not streetwise, or slick or regal or a genius. He's kinda awkward, he loves his parents (all of them) he's a little silly and has the very best intentions, almost all of the time. And like Meg, when he falls in love he falls deep. After Meg gives up her life for his, he fights his way to Hades' realm, tames Cerberus and then dives into a river (I'm guessing at Lethe) to pull her out, even though this might mean he dies too. I know it's pretty common for Disney boys to be all self-sacrificing, but how many have to do it because the girl they love has already died for them? 


He's a hard worker too, that boy Herc. He makes Luke Skywalker's training with Yoda look like a game of Rally 1-2-3. He trains and he trains and then he saves and he saves and he keeps on at it because he wants to achieve his dream. What a positive role-model he is! He quite literally wants to go the distance and he's willing to do the work involved.


But the very best thing about Hercules? At the end, he is offered the very thing he has been fighting for throughout whole film. He is finally offered a place in Olympus, to take his place by his father as a God. And he says 'Nope.' Because he has finally realised that where he belongs is with Meg. He gives up the chance to be a God because he loves Meg. He is THE MAN. 


And talking of 'the man', what about Hades? He's just such a dude. He's sarcastic, flippant and completely terrifying. And he's kinda hot. I'm serious, Hades is buff. I can see how Disney have tried to uglify him so we can identify him as the baddie but he's still hench and charming with it. He charms the Fates into giving him what he wants after all. And they are a tough crowd. 

Admit it. He's charismatic.

Oh yeah - and he's a God. Not a nasty step-mother, or a witch, or a weird French fop or even a megalomaniacal lion (though Scar is boss). He'a a God. So surely as evil goes he's the cream of the crop? He doesn't have a castle stronghold, but an entire realm. His hair is fire. He's funny.


Do you know what else? Despite the fact that the majority of the cast are Gods, demi-Gods or mythical creatures they are all incredibly human. They all have faults. Meg isn't saccharine-sweet and perfect, animals don't flock from the forest to be near her delicate presence. In fact, she can be a bitch at times. Hercules isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hades can be reasonable and compassionate. He tells Hercules he'll keep Meg safe while the Titan's rampage. Even though he owns her soul anyway. Every single one of them has flaws. 


How could I forget the songs?! The songs are amazing?! Who doesn't start jerking their shoulders involuntarily when we hear the Muses. They are fabulous! Who hasn't sang 'Go the Distance' in their head when they've been schlepping through the snow in mid-winter? Who hasn't hummed 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' after a surprisingly good third date? The score is out-and-out amazing. It's catchy and sweet and hella sexy. 


What more do you want in a Disney film? It has all the necessary tropes to make it recognisable as a Disney film but it also has a few surprises too. It's forward-thinking and empowers women, it's got a bit of smut for the grown-ups. The songs are catchy and sing-a-long-able. The hero is definitely an actual hero and the heroine is totally a heroine. Sure, it takes a story and turns it on its head, that's Disney and we're OK with that. But this is more than just your average Disney film. This is a film about growth and hard work and perseverance. Not tra-la-la-ing until someone comes to save the day.


So there we have it. A very biased and one sided diatribe about Hercules. The best Disney film ever. And if you disagree, you're wrong. Pure and simple. But feel free to rebut :)