Oh Hai Mel! Remember that time...

... that you inadvertently destroyed the village you used to live in?

I'm currently doing some writing for Magic is Might, the on-line interactive experience for Harry Potter fans, which details all of the things which happened in the wizarding world leading up to The Final Battle.

So I drafted a couple of articles for starters... one of which involved an attack on an elderly wizard by a muggle gang, which I based in a village I used to live in.

A few hours later, this was posted:

Cue much virtual carnage. It was grim. Total pillage and destruction.

A few days later, this was posted:

Bugger.

Not only did I accidentally end up getting Berkswell mangled beyond repair but it also got pinned on the good guys.

Sorry Berkswell.

Pass me the Ginger Beer, that vampire just died (Wrock weekend Pt2)

So... after Hercules we fell asleep. And then we awoke! Always a happy ending to a good night's sleep in my book.

*Spoiler Alert* Don't bother reading any further if you don't know how Series 3 of Being Human ends. I'm telling you now as I don't want you to get into the blog and then accidentally get spoiled because my writing is so compelling. So stop reading now. OK, good.

(Edit - just realised that if you'd read the title of the blog and my spoiler alert and if you had a brain you'd have probably figured the rest out. Well, I'm sorry but I'm not changing the title. I like it. It's your own fault for not having watched it yet. There is no excuse. If you can be online reading this you could be online watching it on BBC iPlayer. Let that be a lesson to you.)

Right then - for the rest of you:

We loafed around a bit (a lot) drinking tea and chatting until it was time to get ready and go to town and say good bye to Amy. It was sad. It's not nice having to say goodbye to people. Especially when they live relatively far away. Although theoretically it takes me the same amount of time to get to Ireland and it does to get back to my mum's and I visit her. Sometimes. Point being, I should go there more. To Ireland. Not mum's. Though I should probably make more effort with that too.

After we said farewell to Amy we mooched about Reading for a bit and ate some Krispy Kreme and then got the bus back to Kylie's. Except instead of just going back we went on an adventure in the woods!

It was just like being in an Enid Blyton novel. I even had a can of Ginger Beer. So we stalked through the trees, alongside the river, chatting away about otters and kingfishers and minks (minks? is that the plural for mink? Isn't it just 'mink'? I'm going to Google, brb .. it is minks. Weird. Talking of which, here is a picture I found on the Wikipedia page of a lady wearing a mink stole.

I don't think she is a queen, but I do kinda think she's a bitch for wearing fur. Maybe she didn't know it was real? I hope not. Wow, this has been a really long aside. I'll get back to story now. Sorry).

So we were wandering and keeping an eye out for herons. This is, in truth, why we ended up by the lakes. I quite fancied seeing a heron and dragged Lizzy and K-Rob along for the ride. Funnily enough, this is how a lot of our adventures happen, I'll quite fancy the idea of something but will assemble an army of accomplices to join me.

We walked all the way down by a river and then along White Swan lake, which was gorgeous.

Me staring across the lake. How wistful. Really wish I'd brushed my hair.

We walked all the way around it, seeing many ducks and coots and moorhens and talking about Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and other stuff. And then we saw a heron on the other side of the lake! At least, K-Rob and Lizzy did. I didn't have my glasses with me but I did see a white blob. Heron. Fact.

And we saw some swans.

"Awwww... look at the swans."
"Are they swimming towards us?"
"Yes, but they won't come right up."
"They're coming right up."
"They won't get too close."
"They're getting closer."
"RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN"

We legged it back into the reeds. First rule of swans: They are descended from dinosaurs. ("You can really see the velociraptors in their eyes" "Yeah, and in birds of prey's eyes" "Yeah! Not so much in robin's eyes though").

And then we decided to go home and order some pizza. And then we got lost. And then night started to fall.

But it was ok! We are intrepid go-getter girly types! And we had some water and a Charleston Chew on us. And we could learn to forage and find food from the land. Or use our phones to Google Map the way out.

Eventually, we found our way out (oh, the advantages of getting lost with Hufflepuffs) and then we got back to K-Rob's and ordered pizza. And then K-Rob had to go but Lizzy and I stayed anyway and hung out with Matt.

No, Stan, we did not ask the Knightbus to drop us in Wales

And watched the series finale of Being Human.

You were the love of my long life *sob*

K-Rob swears she heard us scream at the end. We did scream. And cry. And clutched at each other. I mean, we kinda knew it was going to happen but there was that split-second where we thought it would be OK. It was not OK.


The King is dead. Basically because Stan Shunpike was going to use him as a hired killer otherwise. Nice to see Lee Ingleby on the tellybox again. And when he plays a psychotic megalomaniac he's kinda cute. Aidan Turner, Russell Tovey, Lenora Crichlow and Sinead Keenan were all amazing. Hats off to them. Excited for Series 4.


And then the following day I met K-Rob for a nice burrito lunch and a sit down by the river and a discussion about Hercules and Disney Princesses and what would happen if Meg met The Beast and and then I went home. Via Forbidden Planet which I found all on my own. Yeah, how about that then.

It was a good weekend.

Literal Interpretive Dancing in London (Wrock Weekend Pt1)

I am a jammy bugger, tis true. I got to have another of those completely amazing weekends with my friends. You know the ones, the ones where we are all there and amazing things happen and we laugh and memories are built.

Yeah, I did another one of those.

It started on a Saturday (in actuality it started on Twitter and Facebook and Skype about 3 weeks beforehand but I'm glossing over that part right now). I (finally) arrived in London town and met Amy and K-Rob and then Jiggles showed up (with her incredibly gorgeous new haircut) and we hugged and squee-d and it was lovely. And then Amy went off to do some stuff and Jiggles, K-Rob and I decided to go out to Upton Park to The Who Shop...

Which was awesome!

Jiggles and I outside of West Ham football club, making Dean Thomas proud.
"Wha choo talkin' 'bout Dumbledore?'

We got to have some photos taken with a Dalek and we met a nice lady and we went around and around in the shop and looked at all of the amazing stuff they had. They had socks with David Tennant on (which obviously I bought) and a cup in the shape of the TARDIS (which obviously I bought) and loads of other stuff like T-shirts and collector's magazines and keyrings and Dalek models and all the Doctor's as figures and posters and novels (which I did not buy - YET) and it was amazing. They also have a mini-cinema in there and to get into it you have to go through the TARDIS, but we didn't get to go in that. Next time. It was a fabulous shop. Carol, the lady who works there is really nice and we had a good chat with her about all things Whoovian.

K-Rob and I with a Dalek. He wasn't so bad.

Then we made our way back across London to meet Emma, Lizzy and Amy (bumping into James S, Laura and Cathrin on the way... pretty much during a 'signal failure') to get cupcakes. Mmmmmm Hummingbird Bakery. One of the rare times when the product lives up to the hype. I had the Black Bottom Cupcake and it was sooooo good. You just can't go wrong with cheesecake. I kinda wish I'd chewed it a bit more to get the maximum flavour from it. Never mind, guess I'll just have to go back...

After a quick tea-break and a chat with Amy's lovely friend Robin, it was time for the muso's to go sound-check and the fangirls to go and make a nuisance of themselves in The Smoke.

On our way to find Forbidden Planet we made a pit-stop at Cyber Candy and went batshit. K-Rob had to physically restrain me from spending £20 on tins of mints (they had mints that looked like Zelda shields, and Mario Mushrooms and Garlic Mints to repel vampires and moustache mints and werewolf repelling mints and brain mints for zombies and mints in Wii controller boxes... it was Mint Mania). For some reason, the idea of not owning all those little tins full of minty goodness was awful and I crammed them into my basket... but as I said, K-Rob took me aside and we had a little talk about how many tins of mints a girl needs and I was allowed to keep 3 of them. I also got some pumpkin flavoured biscuit sticks and some Moustache Elixer (flavour still unidentified) and some Cherry Mash (I still need to Google what this is) and we all got some Mountain Dew flavoured lip-balm. It was madness. Not quite as bad as when we were in Honeydukes but not far off.

Then we set off to meet Eliza in Forbidden Planet, except we couldn't find Forbidden Planet, even though 50% of the party were Hufflepuffs (We had a chat about this as well, when did AVPM and S stuff become canon? And how did we know what Hufflepuffs did before?) After trolling up and down Shaftesbury Avenue for about an hour we got bored and decided to go and get Chinese food. So we had dinner and Eliza came to us and then it was time to go!

And we met some boys on the Tube! There is an unwritten rule on the Tube when, if it is daylight, you may not talk to or communicate with any other passengers, even if they are your friends and you got on with them. But after darkness falls it is mandatory to talk to everyone in your carriage. So we chatted to some rugby-type boys about Bagheera, Shere Khan, Kaa, Sir Hiss and whether the reason Maid Marian was also a fox in Disney's Robin Hood was to prevent the ick-factor of potential inter-species breeding. And when we finally got to the venue it was amazing! It's so nice to walk into a room and see it full of faces you know and love! It's so awesome to go from hug to hug to hug as you get to see all the people you've missed. Neil was there! YAY! Lauren and Colleen were there! YAY! Elvira and Malik were there! YAY! James was there! YAY! Reine was there! YAY! And it's even more awesome when this takes place in a student venue and the wine is only £3 for a large glass. GOOD TIMES.

First up was the magical Margo with her band, The Deathsticks. Margo's voice is amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. She is able to move between notes with such grace and fluidity, making complex key changes which are haunting, to say the least. More than once during her set the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. 'To The Death' is such a brilliant showcase for her talent and my favourite song of hers. And she did a cover of Florence and the Machine's 'Dog Days' about Sirius (swoon). And one of 'Marauder's Map', which we managed to mess up the dance to. I don't think she minded though.

And then Amy was up as Romilda Vane and Kylie and I got to jump on stage and sing with her on 'Going to Hogwarts', which was beautiful and scary (beautiful being Amy and scary being me - pretty sure they turned the mic off once I got up there but they said not...).

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids

She also did the fabulous 'Godric's Hollow' and her version of 'Seven Potters', which is always a favourite with the crowd (and it was me that hit the top B. Siriusly. It was actually me.) Also, Margo joined her for a song which was ace as, throughout Margo's set Amy had been very softly singing along and I could hear and it was magical, to actually hear them together was lush. Properly lush. And she ended the set with Katy Perry's 'Firework'. Which was GENIUS as it got to showcase Amy's voice in a more pop-culture way and also meant we got to jump around. Normally I sob my way through Amy's sets as she's got this knack of using notes and lyrics which tug at my heartstrings. So it was nice that my mascara stayed intact.

It was also a clever move on her part as it got us all right in the mood for the hijinks of Siriusly Hazza P. They started off with 'Madame Puddifoots', which I love as it's a swing-esque song about tea. I love swing and I love tea. You can't normally combine them very well as scalding and a trip to A&E usually ensue if you try. However, somehow, SHP have managed it. So I take my veiled and be-ribboned hat off to them. They also played 'Witchface', which was poignant for me as two days before I'd dreamt they made blue glittery Team Laura: Witchface and red glittery Team Cathrin: Witchface badges for their merch (this was not a prophetic dream. I wish it had have been). For the record, I would have bought one of each. Obviously they finished with 'John Simons' (pretty sure they'd be lynched if they didn't) and just in the nick of time too as we were all knackered from dancing.

We rallied for a dance party though. Apparently at some point we did literal interpretive dances to 'Snape vs. Snape' and 'House Song'. And then I (allegedly) went one step too far and re-enacted A-Carp's video of 'My Baby'. I don't remember this at all and I remember the rest of the night clearly so I'm pretty sure it's a lie.

Then home to Reading  (via more interaction on the Tube) to watch Hercules (tee hee) and then sleeps.

And part two of the weekend comes tomorrow*

*and by tomorrow I mean when I'm good and bloody ready.

Who put the 'Glad' in Gladiator? HERCULES.

This blog started off being about how absolutely awesome Megara from Hercules is. I thought it was about time the spunkiest and sassiest Disney lady got a little bit of kudos. But in order to get the research right I had to sit and watch Hercules and it got me to thinking that not only is Meg awesome, but the whole damn film is just perfect. Hercules is, start-to-finish, a total and utter feast for the senses. It's the best Disney film. 


'O Rly?' you cry.


Yh. Rly. 

First up, let's look at Meg. Do you consider her a Disney Princess? 


Because Disney doesn't consider her a Disney Princess. She is a "Guest Princess" ... WTF? OK, so she isn't the daughter of a King, which is Traditional Princess Route A (TPRA). But she does marry a prince (Zeus, Herc's father is King of the Gods. Of the GODS [yeah, not just your average, common-or-garden mortal King but uber-royalty, King of Kings]. Making Herc a Godly Prince - hence, TPRB). So why doesn't she count as a Princess? And how the heck does Mulan count as a Princess? Well, from looking at the line-up of Disney Princesses, it seems as though there just isn't a target demographic to market Meg at. Lots of different ethnicities and skin colours are catered for in the Princess line and lots of different hair colours too, meaning almost every kind of girl can find a physical characteristic she can identify with in a Disney Princess. But there's no room for Meg. 


Are you freaking kidding me? What about the target demographic of girls who grow as people and learn something about themselves as they make their journey through life? What about the girls who aren't massively content to have a nap/hide in the woods/sweep the kitchen and wait for their rescue? What about the girls who are capable of doing the rescuing?


Apparently I missed the bit where it stopped being 2011 and we went back 100 years. Hercules was made in 1997 (other awesome stuff that happened in 1997 - Harry Potter was first published, we won the Eurovision song contest, Jurassic Park - The Lost World came out). And here we are, 14 years later and the sassiest, most forward-thinking Disney heroine is all but forgotten. And she really is a hero! A 'True Hero' as Zeus would have it. She lays down her own life for Hercules (admittedly he does the same but we'll come back to that later). And it's the second time she's put the person she loves waaaaaaay ahead of herself, even though the consequences are dire for her. 


When she realises she has feelings for Herc - even though she has no plans to acknowledge them - she tells Hades she won't help him hurt Hercules (and she doesn't directly - Herc is already in love with her when Hades decides to use that as part of his plan, Meg has done nothing further to aid Hades). When it all gets a bit grim, she goes and rescues Pegasus, finds Philoctetes and goes and tells Hercules what's going on. She accepts her own death as a fair price for Herc's. And finally, when he achieves his life-long dream of returning to Olympus as a God, she is prepared to let him go, even though she loves him. 


She grows throughout the film too and she learns about herself and about other people. At the beginning of the film she clearly thinks men are weak and stupid, fickle creatures and are only there to be played with at Hades' behest. She thinks all people are petty and dishonest. She thinks it's OK to manipulate and play around with people. And by the end? She knows that all of the above is not necessarily right. She learns that not all people are the same and that not everyone is a user. She learns that doing the right thing is more important than doing the easy thing (where have we heard this before?). Not that many other Disney girls actually grow as people during the films. Mostly it's just the circumference of their dress hems which grow.


(Is this why Meg isn't a Princess? Because she doesn't do a costume change into a meringue? Shame on you, Disney). 


And she dies. She actually, full-on dies. She doesn't have a magical nap but she bites it. Take that, Snow White. Suck it up, Sleeping Beauty. She sacrifices herself to save another's life (again - this motif seems a little familiar). 


And she has hips. And she uses them. All my best moves are thanks to Megara. 

Meg. My mentor.

Which brings us to Herc. Who is just a straight-up, nice guy. He's not streetwise, or slick or regal or a genius. He's kinda awkward, he loves his parents (all of them) he's a little silly and has the very best intentions, almost all of the time. And like Meg, when he falls in love he falls deep. After Meg gives up her life for his, he fights his way to Hades' realm, tames Cerberus and then dives into a river (I'm guessing at Lethe) to pull her out, even though this might mean he dies too. I know it's pretty common for Disney boys to be all self-sacrificing, but how many have to do it because the girl they love has already died for them? 


He's a hard worker too, that boy Herc. He makes Luke Skywalker's training with Yoda look like a game of Rally 1-2-3. He trains and he trains and then he saves and he saves and he keeps on at it because he wants to achieve his dream. What a positive role-model he is! He quite literally wants to go the distance and he's willing to do the work involved.


But the very best thing about Hercules? At the end, he is offered the very thing he has been fighting for throughout whole film. He is finally offered a place in Olympus, to take his place by his father as a God. And he says 'Nope.' Because he has finally realised that where he belongs is with Meg. He gives up the chance to be a God because he loves Meg. He is THE MAN. 


And talking of 'the man', what about Hades? He's just such a dude. He's sarcastic, flippant and completely terrifying. And he's kinda hot. I'm serious, Hades is buff. I can see how Disney have tried to uglify him so we can identify him as the baddie but he's still hench and charming with it. He charms the Fates into giving him what he wants after all. And they are a tough crowd. 

Admit it. He's charismatic.

Oh yeah - and he's a God. Not a nasty step-mother, or a witch, or a weird French fop or even a megalomaniacal lion (though Scar is boss). He'a a God. So surely as evil goes he's the cream of the crop? He doesn't have a castle stronghold, but an entire realm. His hair is fire. He's funny.


Do you know what else? Despite the fact that the majority of the cast are Gods, demi-Gods or mythical creatures they are all incredibly human. They all have faults. Meg isn't saccharine-sweet and perfect, animals don't flock from the forest to be near her delicate presence. In fact, she can be a bitch at times. Hercules isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hades can be reasonable and compassionate. He tells Hercules he'll keep Meg safe while the Titan's rampage. Even though he owns her soul anyway. Every single one of them has flaws. 


How could I forget the songs?! The songs are amazing?! Who doesn't start jerking their shoulders involuntarily when we hear the Muses. They are fabulous! Who hasn't sang 'Go the Distance' in their head when they've been schlepping through the snow in mid-winter? Who hasn't hummed 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' after a surprisingly good third date? The score is out-and-out amazing. It's catchy and sweet and hella sexy. 


What more do you want in a Disney film? It has all the necessary tropes to make it recognisable as a Disney film but it also has a few surprises too. It's forward-thinking and empowers women, it's got a bit of smut for the grown-ups. The songs are catchy and sing-a-long-able. The hero is definitely an actual hero and the heroine is totally a heroine. Sure, it takes a story and turns it on its head, that's Disney and we're OK with that. But this is more than just your average Disney film. This is a film about growth and hard work and perseverance. Not tra-la-la-ing until someone comes to save the day.


So there we have it. A very biased and one sided diatribe about Hercules. The best Disney film ever. And if you disagree, you're wrong. Pure and simple. But feel free to rebut :) 

Shoes.

I now own a pair of these shoes.

They are mine. I went into T K Maxx for the very first time today and was having a look around and I saw them. And they were in my size. The only pair in the whole damn shop and they're in my size. And they are about 80% off. In my size. Only pair. Mine.

Mine.

If I could change my Facebook status to 'In a relationship with Irregular Choice' I would.

I love them. How on earth were they still on the shelf? The shop had been open for at least 5 hours before I spotted them. People of Lewisham - what were you thinking?

What fools these mortals be.