You can't get pregnant from a golden shower, no matter what the Greeks say.

Hello Internet. I missed you. A bit later in this post I'll explain the title, which isn't arbitrary but actually the result of a very intellectual conversation. OK, the 'intellectual' bit is a lie but it did arise from a conversation. In a pub.

But first, let me mark the passing of a big part of my life and pay tribute to it. My poor old faithful laptop, The Machine, finally died after a long battle three weeks ago. He was very elderly when he came to me and suffered two major heart attacks in the last two years. And three weeks ago, after holding on long enough for me to register for LeakyCon, he passed away peacefully. I mourned his passing for a few moments before realising the little tinker had in fact left me up the creek. All my writing was on him, not backed up (my fault, I know) and I had no access to the world. Now, I know this isn't true as obviously I have a telephone and can read and write, but I still run most of my life through the web.

I use the web to stay in touch with people, to coordinate diaries and make plans. I use it to find out what's going on in the world and to research ideas. When I'm sad I use it to look through pictures and posts that remind me I'm not alone. I look up words I don't understand. In short, it's pretty darn important to me. I know you can live without it but I've chosen not to. And so not having it left a big gap in my world.

But I'm nothing if not resourceful and thankfully I'd read Sense and Sensibility a couple of weeks beforehand so I did what any sensible young lady would do and went Jane Austen on it's ass. For the past couple of weeks I have been knitting. I've finally mastered purl stitch and have been making a scarf in double rib. I've written letters (or corresponded if you like) and sent cards to my friends. I've tried to learn to crochet. I've failed to learn to crochet. I've read a ton and also explored writing ideas in my head. I've been on long walks. But I was still ecstatic with joy when I got my new laptop. It does all kinds of things!

I can use Skype and my browser at the same time! iTunes downloads songs in seconds, whereas before it did it in real-time. I can watch videos with both sound and vision! I can have Chrome as my browser. I can use wireless and even use wireless in my bedroom. This is love.

What else have I been up to? Well, I went to London and had a brilliant weekend with my girls (and the boys). We had a party at Platform 9 3/4 for Lizzy's birthday and then we went to the V&A to see the Shadow Catchers exhibition which I've been dying to see since last November. It was eerie and beautiful to see photographs taken without cameras and also very inspiring. We went out for dinner (this is where the Golden Showers comment arises from) and had a very bizarre conversation about myths and the funny things those crazy Greeks.

Seriously, Zeus begot Perseus on Danae by transforming himself into a golden shower and loving her... Try explaining that one, Bliss magazine.

"Dear Emma, 


I've never been on a date, or kissed a boy. But I'm pregnant. I'm not allowed to date, my father has some crazy idea that if I date I'll get pregnant and my son will kill him. About 6 weeks ago I was alone in the gardens and a golden shower fell upon me. It was very nice and I enjoyed it but I think it might have been the King of the Gods, Zeus, in another form. It's not the first time he's done something weird like this, my friend Leda got knocked up by him one time when he turned into a swan. But I'm really worried my dad will freak out. What should I do?


Scared in Argos (the ancient city, not the shop)"

"Dear Scared in Argos, 


I'm not really sure what to say. Although, biologically I can assure you that you can't get pregnant from a 'golden shower' as it requires a biological function which cannot occur at the same time as the function required to get you pregnant. I think you need to chat to your dad and tell him the truth. And your friend Leda is clearly on some kind of mind altering drug and needs to see someone professional about this, at least for the child's sake. I've sent you both some pamphlets which give you further information about how to deal with your respective problems."


Yeah. 


We then saw The King's Speech, which deserves any and all accolades it gets as it was brilliant. It was surprisingly funny and touching and the entire cinema clapped at the end, which has rarely happened to me but is lovely. We did some sleeping and chatting and then went back to the pub for a lazy and fun afternoon on the Sunday. I wish my friends lived in my pockets so I could get them out whenever I wanted them. Actually, I probably could get Lizzy in my pocket. I'll have to give it a try next time I see her. As long as she's not armed.

A few days before that I went out with my friend Sophie and we had a bottle of champagne in the middle of the day. On a Thursday. So that's what mums do when their children are at school is it? Maybe I should rethink this whole parenthood thing as it's suddenly quite appealing...

Other than that I've bought some new tops, sworn to get back on my healthy diet, dyed my favourite jacket black, celebrated some brilliant news my friend Jules has had, semi-celebrated some brilliant news I had, offended someone terribly, explored a new town, talked about ghosts a lot and generally just minced around.

So that's about it. For now.

Here we are in the V&A. Eliza took this photo, hence her not being in it. I could have chosen one which she was in but this is the only one where my arm cannot be mistaken for a leg of lamb. So this one won. Sorry Eliza, I love you.

Kylie, Emma, Emilie, Me, Lizzy and Sophia in the V&A. Arm only marginally looks like a butcher's product. That's as good as it gets.