Irelande... Douze Pointe!

Dea-lá! I'm back from Ireland, where I spent a fab and fun four days with Snow and K-Rob. Getting there was pretty tense, thanks Ashcloud. I barely got any sleep the night before, due to my obsessively checking the BBC website to see if I'd be able to fly. It looked good. I got to the airport and it was looking fine. Went through security, no special massage. I had a gate to go to. A plane was there. They let us on the plane, after the inevitable Hunger Games-esque battle that is getting a seat on a Ryanair flight. We put seat belts on... they locked the doors... we did the jump to hyperspace... one hour later... HELLO IRELAND. 
I have no recollection of anything that happened on the first night as I was beyond exhausted. I suspect it involved wine and lots of chats... I think we may have watched some Home and Away too...

Now, before I go any further, I wanted to apologise. I did take photos while we were there but I forgot to bring the software with me to make them get from the camera to the computer. So, to liven up this post, I have used a very sophisticated program to recreate some of the events. You'll like it. Or not. 
Wednesday dawned and we got up and went into Cork City. I love Cork City, there are lovely shops and things and O'Conaill's chocolate shop is there and so I started work on my chocolate baby. And then lovely Orla came over for dinner and Snow made a scrummy pie and we ate it and then it was off to meet Martha and watch Alan Carr at the Cork Opera House.

The show was part of his warm up tour, testing out the material for his UK tour later in the year. It was pretty funny, my favourite line was him saying about living under a pylon and having a seagull for a leader. It was very London centric though, which took some of the lols away for the majority of the audience. What with them being Irish. And us being in Ireland... 
Then we went to Sin E for a supposedly swift drink. We weren't swift. We had a drink, decided it was imperative I moved to Cork and then celebrated by going dancing in Crane Lane to Sexrock. Seriously Sexrock. 
Here we are, dancing. 

Me, Snow, K-Rob and Martha getting down with our bad selves

We were dancing to the sexy tunes of Lord Bishop, a trio of degenerate sex-Gods from America, the leader of which was a seven foot tall wizard man. They were ace. All the songs were about sex or God and the singer kept trying to pour Jack Daniels into the gobs of his dancing minions. Some random American man started twirling me about all over the shop before lifting me right into his arms and spinning me about. He then vanished... I assumed I'd inadvertently broken his back but no! He'd gone to the bar. He came back and apparently went in for a kiss, but I missed this. Martha told me about it later whilst we were eating the World's Best Pizza. Thereby proving that I am a hot piece of ass in Cork. And also oblivious to a lot of things.

After he was done spinning me, a nice man called Adem from Morocco decided he'd have a go, but I was far too interested in spinning K-Rob and Snow around. Then we got a shout-out from the band who said 'This song goes out to these beautiful ladies here....' He then said something about having sex with all of us. We didn't like that bit so much. He was very sexually potent, we were a bit worried we might have got pregnant by osmosis. 

The following day, we went into town for a bit so Snow and K-Rob could do some biznizz. K-Rob's amazing jewellery is now stocked in Ruby and Peacock in Cork City. But if you can't get over there, you can always check out her Etsy shop, which she'll be restocking soon. We're also working on plans for general world domination but you'll have to wait and see for more on that. 

Then we went home and watched Tangled, which instantly became my second favourite Disney film of all time! Flynn Rider is a babe, Maximus is a dude, Rapunzal rocks and Pascal is a sweetie. 

These are my favourite Disney films:

Hercules

Tangled

Robin Hood

Beauty and the Beast

Friday was Zoo Trip Day! We met Mary for breakfast at The Mill and bullied her into joining us and then we (Snow) went and made pie and then we drove to the zoo! 

Us driving to the zoo

We saw lots of animals including giraffes, cheetahs, pelicans, kangaroos (complete with freaky baby kangaroos upside down inside them) gibbons, a tapir and some lemurs.

We saw three lemurs sitting having a cuddle... then a fourth one arrived... then a fifth... then a sixth! It was Cuddle O'clock in Lemur Town. And then the sixth one started grooming his gentleman parts in front of us... We left them to it... 

Then Snow took us on a tour of Ireland and we went to Garryvoe and Ballycotton and Midleton and Douglas and we had a look at where Rachel Allen has the cooking school in Ballymoloe and we ate some chips and went on a beach and had some tea and it was lovely. And later that night we all got drunkened and sang very loudly and tried to write our own song... which mostly consisted of one liners from the previous few days... it's got 'HIT' written all over it...

Then it was Saturday and we went back into Cork for lunch at Eddie Rockets and a final glimpse in all our favourite haunts before we had to fly home. We were very subdued on the flight, though K-Rob tried to keep my spirits up by telling me about all the wonderful things we shall see in Disney World in a few weeks.

On Sunday, K-Rob and I watched Southend Air Show and oooohed and aaaahhhhed at all the fancy planes and then she left too. So I now had no Snow and no K-Rob. Nightmare! It was especially bad as Snow had been taking brilliant care of us all week and now I had to make my own tea and sandwiches. DISLIKE.

And so here I am. I still need to catch up on Doctor Who and Game of Thrones, as well as knit a laptop and camera case.

And from Wednesday I'll be re-reading all of the HP books and watching the films in prep for the finale. I'll also be doing the 30 Day HP Challenge right here on my blog throughout June, so stay tuned. 

Finally, as a little treat here is a pic of K-Rob sliding down a pole in the play park at the zoo... just you wait until I can get the real pictures up...

One life. No fear.

Addendum: I've just read this back and I used the word 'Sex' a lot... that's the power of the Irish for you. They're a sexy bunch. 

From Stoke to Stockholm

Greetings and Salutations! I am KNACKERED. For the past few weeks I've been indulging in one of my very favourite things to do - MOOCH. I like mooching. I'll pretty much mooch anywhere too. I live for invitations and opportunities to pack a bag and bugger off. Urban Dictionary would have you believe that 'mooching' means taking advantage of someone. WRONG URBAN DICTIONARY. It means 'going for a wander.'  That told you.

Who looks stupid now? You do.

Anyway... so yeah... mooching. On the Tuesday night I went on a brilliant date with two of London's foxiest ladies, the lovely Caitlin and Asma. We watched Your Highness and then went out for waffles and milkshakes. The film was ace, not my usual taste at all but funny as you like. And Rasmus Hardiker is in it! Rasmus Hardiker is currently number one on the LL (Lick List for the uninitiated). He was one of the stars of the zombie film I did a few weeks back and I thought he was yummy. And then he rocked up in Your Highness! Not only did he rock up, but he stole every single damned scene he was in. He was brilliant. And I'm not just saying that because I want to lick him. He's funny and beautiful - my favourite kind. Although, it's hard going to watch the man you currently like best get dry-humped by a minotaur...

Ignore the silly haircut. I promise he's lovely. And talented too. Totally stole the show. 

The following day, whilst still recovering from any and all things involving minotaurs, I hot-footed it to Stoke and spent three glorious days hanging out with Emma G. And Neily B came all the way down from Scotland to see us too! Emma and I drank a lot of wine, fangirled the cast of Merlin and watched Harry Potter. On the Friday, we took Neil out, originally planning to go to a gay bar as Neil had never been to one... sadly after luring us in with Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, the music went all weird and dancey so we staged a revolt and covinced Emma to take us to an indie rock place... where the drinks were 'buy one get one free'. Get in. We danced and talked and it was all very cool. A boy bought me a drink and danced with me. Lovely.

Emma and I pre-clubbing. With a ghost. Definitely a ghost and not sunlight. Ghost. Fact.

Then I nipped into work for a few days before heading off to Sweden! Here's how that happened.

[Twitter]

James: I need an adventure

Me: I'm your woman!

James: Ok... where shall we go?

Me: Don't care as long as we go on a plane

James: When shall we go? Are you free 6th-7th May?

Me: *checks diary and realises that is one of the two weekends she has free before September* YES! 

James: Skype?

Me: YES!

So we went on Skype and decided that seeing as flights to Norway were cheapest, we'd go there. And then there was that awkward moment when you discover that your flights to Norway are actually taking you to Sweden... yeah. 

But it was fine! We figured out the nearest town to the airport was Nyköping and they had a hostel so we booked some rooms. Job done. We flew out on the early-bird flight on the Saturday morning and were there by 9am (after a very tense moment at airport security when I realised I'd misspelled my own name... Fail). We went off and had a look around the town... it was a nice town! So clean and quiet! And I think I can add Nyköping to the list of cities I'm attractive in as EVERYONE stared. I'd noticed I was getting more than my fair share of glances but it was confirmed when James pointed it out too. 

List of places where I am considered attractive:

1. Cork City

2. Nyköping

We had a look in the shops; I bought a copy of Deathly Hallows in Swedish. James and I marvelled at how the TARDIS was translating the book for us... only to realise we weren't suddenly fluent in Swedish but had read it so many times we knew it off by heart. We then went and played mini-golf and I won! Not really. Of course I didn't bloody win. I got my arse handed to me on a plate. But in my defence it was my first ever go. 

Then James chased a goose off a jetty and we sat by the water for a while before deciding to go and check in. And on the way back we saw a bloody Arctic Tern and a hare! An actual hare! It was amazing. I love nature. They have jackdaws over there in the same way we have pigeons. I’d never seen a wild jackdaw before. We then sat by the train tracks for a bit, marvelling at double-decker trains before going up town to some pubs. We had a quick drink in English pub Oliver Twist’s (seriously) followed by one in Cocktails and Dreams and another in a place I’ve forgotten the name of. Then we went to the supermarket and got some beers before heading back to the train tracks to drink them there, James in his hoody. English people are dead classy.

Day two! We got the train to Stockholm and spent the entire journey peering out the window for moose. Sweden have a lot of moose, apparently (at least according to the gift shop at the airport) and we were determined to see one in the wild. We did not. We arrived in Stockholm, had a mooch about by the City Hall and the river and then headed into Gamla Stan (that’s Old Town to you lot). Gamla Stan is NERDTASTIC! Within seconds we’d stumbled across a toy shop, a comic book shop and some underground (literally, in vaults) coffee houses. Out came the Krona… 

An elusive Swedish Moose. You would think having a population of between 300,000 - 400,000 would increase the chances of seeing one. Well, you'd be wrong if you thought that. 

Gamla Stan is a beautiful medieval town, full of windy avenues and tall buildings. It’s so incredibly picturesque and cool that nothing I write here will do justice to it. I could quite happily spend a couple of days just wandering around and stopping for coffee. In fact, I’m going to. We also found the Swedish equivalent of Forbidden Planet and spent a good hour marvelling at stuff. I bought a copy of Ali Shaw’s The Girl With Glass Feet (and my very favourite book) in Swedish and marvelled again at the TARDIS’s ability to translate for me… To celebrate I ate meatballs with cream sauce and lingonberries. Like a native (or someone that visits IKEA regularly. Weirdly, my friends and I used to go to IKEA just for daytrips as we liked it so much. We referred to that as ‘Going to Sweden’. And my bed in the hostel was made by IKEA. Hmmmm…)

Then it was time to get back on the train and head back to Nyköping to get the flight back home. All we wanted was a double-decker train and to see a moose. Well… WE GOT THE TRAIN! We got to sit upstairs on a train speeding through some of the most beautiful countryside on the planet. No moose though. We saw some deer but no moose. Next time…


And then we had a few brief moments back by our train tracks with the last of the beer (which James manfully opened without a bottle opener) before it was time to come home. Sadface. I hate the bit where you have to come home. Luckily, I've learnt that the best way to get over the heartbreak of one adventure ending is to already have another one lined up for the future... more on that later.


And that was my week. Yesterday I met my lovely friend SophieSoph for burritos and margaritas and secret dress-making plans... I've 'commissioned' a dress for Deathly Hallows Part Two and SophieSoph is my master seamstress on this endeavour... but I'll say no more... Spoilers, Sweetie... 

I'm not just a Timelord... I'm the last of the Timelords... sort of...

Bad blogger! What the hell am I playing at - not updating?! BAD MEL.

I apologise for the lack of updates about my world - I'm sure all three of my subscribers have lost faith in me... I've let you down, guys. But, if it's not too late, allow me to try and fix it... by telling you all about the day I flew the TARDIS.

It was a Saturday, I'd spent the day before frantically making a TARDIS skirt...

Behold the TARDIS skirt - and don't even consider asking if it's bigger on the inside, I've been dieting like a crazy woman for Leaky and will not take kindly to your cheek. 

There it is. That's 6 hours of hardcore gluing right there. And I'm sorry about the terrible picture quality but I took it on my phone. I'm not even sure if the function I used was a camera or the sheer power of my mind channelled through it, but I *think* you get the gist. Hopefully, there will be better photos and then I'll whore them out to you properly.

So, I've got my skirt on and my The Whos t-shirt and I'm heading off to meet my friend Sophie so we can go to Forbidden Planet for Doctor Who day and get some free Timelord swag. After that I'm off to The Doctor Who Experience in Earls Court, followed by a party at Jigglypuff's (all whilst dressed as the TARDIS).

DISASTER! Jiggles got all mullered up the night before and has cancelled her party... The TARDIS must go home. Sadface... but wait... what's that on the horizon..? It's my knight on a white charger. AKA Sophie, who is having a BBQ and will let me go as long as I don't try and speak to any of her friends or try to be funny or witty. Job done!

So we went into Forbidden Planet and got our goody bags (mine contained a badge with a Dalek on, a Cyberman figure and most bizarrely... Dalek napkins. I kid you not. I am now the proud owner of some Dalek napkins...)

Then I went off to the DW Experience... and it was awesome!

We were taken onto The Starship UK and a Node was just in the middle of giving us a tour of some of the charming things they have collected (a very large telescope, a Van Gogh picture of the TARDIS) when BAM! Shit got real. The Doctor popped up on a screen, looking for Pond. Pond was not amongst the party so it was down to us to save the earth. Again. Cue the fworp-fworp signifying the TARDIS is coming and then we all went aboard. That's right - I went through the blue door into the TARDIS. And it really is bigger on the inside. We approached the controls, I had to elbow some little kid out of the way to get to one. Matt Smith said to make sure the kids were at the controls as adults were boring and drank coffee. I rarely drink coffee and we all know I'm secretly an eleven-year old boy trapped in the body of a hella sexy lady. So I ignored him.

We took off. The TARDIS was shaking and rocking everywhere and The Doctor was bellowing instructions and it seemed to be going brilliantly. And then it's not going brilliantly and we are in trouble. Big trouble. We have to leave the TARDIS, Christ knows where she's taken us. We rush down a corridor into a flight deck, it seems we're on a spaceship. And then a door opens and a Dalek comes out. We turn, horrified, only to realise our mistake a split second later when two emerge behind us. We're trapped. And they're pissed off. Bad times. It was genuinely scary to be faced with a Dalek screaming EXTERMINATE! Seriously, I felt the fear. Luckily The Doctor rocked up to try and talk them down. And promptly failed. So we're all braced for immediate and excruciating death when we're suddenly attacked by some other Daleks. This makes the original Daleks very angry and while they're freaking out we leg it.

The effects for this part were incredible. To suddenly see a spaceship loom up outside of a window and start firing was brilliant. But we had to go whilst we could and so we did. Right into a graveyard full of Weeping Angels. NOT OK. My eyes were almost bleeding from the effort of not blinking whilst we passed by them. I think we all made it.

The Doctor came back and told us he was going to get us out of there but then we were sucked into a vortex... Cybermen grabbed at us, Daleks fired at us, Sontarans glared, three Weeping Angels lunged at us... All in 3D which made very scary but very cool. Luckily, The Doctor managed to do some fancy trickery and get us out of the vortex and safely back to earth.

And then it was time for the exhibition. Which is stunning, You get to get very close up to two previous TARDIS sets and all of the major character costumes, as well as get to really pour over the details of some of the best-known and loved aliens and monsters. My personal favourite was the Vashta Nerada exhibit... think about it. And obviously the now-famed "Toilets located behind the Pandorica" sign.

Yup

It was just amazing. If you love Doctor Who, you have to go. And there are rumours it's being located permanently to Cardiff once the London run is done. Also - if you do go, don't just get a regular ticket but upgrade to at least the Silver package as I did and got £35 worth of merch for free... not bad when the ticket alone cost £31...

And then onto the BBQ, which took place in a park in Camberwell, Sophie and I, ever the classy ladies chugged back some violently blue alcopop stuff and talked about dresses (You can take the girls out of the City of Villains yada, yada, yada). We then went back to hers and looked at fabric for a bit. And then I was going to go home but my friends Rachael and Nathan invited me round for supper so I nipped in there and drank a lot of wine and ate stir-fry.

All whilst dressed as the TARDIS. Good times.

Oh... And Happy Star Wars Day... May the Fourth be with you xxx