In which I attempt to learn a language using Heath Ledger and Television!

Hej! Guess who just got back from Sweden? Well, obviously it’s me or this would be a blog about someone else, in which case I wouldn’t be here. And you shouldn’t be either.

I love Sweden. So much. I’ve spent a lot of time this year screaming ‘GAMLA STAN!’ in a manner usually reserved for bellowing ‘FOR GONDOR!’, if that’s any indicator of how much I like it there. Everyone is just so NICE. They really are. People smile at you in the streets and it’s not a precursor to a stabbing. And the food… so much cheese! And cake! So imagine my joy when I got to go back, only this time to Gothenburg (or ‘Gotham City’, as I like to call it).

Flew out last week with Easyjet, my first experience with them, and I was apprehensive. BUT NO NEED! It turned into my joint-first favourite flight ever. The flight attendants were ace, lovely, cheeky, charming and very whimsical. Not everyone likes a bit of whimsy when they’re 33,000ft up but I’m quite the fan, So thanks to Kevin for the best sales pitch of a bacon roll I’ve ever seen and thanks to Duncan for just being a sweetie. I giggled in an unseemly fashion for most of the flight thanks to them.

We landed and I promptly got us lost in the wrong bit of Sweden. So I texted our Swedish Liason for advice:

Me: Hi! Do we need to get off at Mölndal Centrum?

Elvira: NO! NO! It’s near Elisedal!

Me: TOO LATE! We’ve gone past that! We’ve committed to Mölndal!

Elvira: BUT THAT’S TOO FAR!

Me: It’s ok! It’s an adventure

Mikey: ._.

Eventually we found it, checked in and had some tea before heading into Korsvägen to meet Elvira for dinner. She took us to Skojarbacken, which is a restaurant near the Lorensberg part of Gothenberg. I loved it. I have a thing about quirky and off-the-wall places, I’m not one for chrome and clean lines and this had none of that. It did have a massive stuffed moose, lots of lace, wall-mounted tuxedos and fairy lights. And a disco ball. Perfect. After a delicious dinner, we went on a moonlit tour of Gothenburg before heading back to the hostel for a cup of tea and the Deathly Hallows audiobook.

The following day, we went to the Universeum and got to wander through an aquarium, see an octopus and some sharks, walk over a ray lake, meander through a rainforest, do some horse riding, race a cockroach and try and escape a laser maze. I can’t explain how much fun this was so I suggest you go. Leave your dignity and adult perspective at the door. This is one for your inner-child.
The afternoon brought a quick mooch around Gothenburg (including visits to 7 bookshops) and then Mikey and I went out for an amazing dinner at a local restaurant and got pally with the local mafia. Sorted. Then I took it upon myself to learn Swedish from the telly. Namely, the subtitles on Casanova. Here are my learnings:

Vad? = What?

Adjö = Goodbye

Nej = No

Latrin = Cesspit

Bok = Book

Drag = Pull

Tryck = Push

Bra = Good

More words later…

On Friday… I SAW A MOOSE! We went to a park with seals and penguins and deer and MOOSE!

And we worked out that one British penny = one Knut, and so the amounts of Knuts to Sickles and Sickles to Galleons is not the arbitrary use of random numbers, but something deeper. We should have known. Then we went shopping and on a boat. 

And back to Skojarbackan for dinner, where I ate moose:

Saturday: Mikey, Binbags and I broke into a beach so we could see the sea. This involved walking through a forest, climbing some rocks, scrambling under two fences, climbing more rocks and then finally getting caught by a man whose major concern was that we’d snuck there to kill ourselves. After hasty reassurance, he pointed a window to the sea out to us and left us to our non-suicidal business.

In the evening we went out to Frölunda to watch the Wizard Wrock, where we were treated to acetastic performances by The Pumpkin Pasties, Romilda Vane and the Chocolate Cauldrons, Solitary Snape, Lockharts Beundrarpost, The Deathly Hallows and Siriusly Hazza P, all of whom had the crowd jumping around like nutters. Except for those of us who’d broken into the beach, who were knackered from the law breaking. Instead, we sat down nicely like the X-Factor judges and viewed it. Still danced in my chair though. I also fell hopelessly in love with Solitary Snape. They had me at the immortal line 'Stop biting kids'. I want them to play my wedding.

The next day was Sunday. Home time. I don’t want to talk about that. Except the bit where I was allowed to have a look in the cockpit of the plane. Easyjet rule. It was a den of debauchery in there though, all the controls are called things like 'thrust' and 'flaps'. This made for ten minutes of hilarity and 'that's what she said' jokes as they explained to me how the plane worked. 

Here are some Swedish swearwords I learnt:

Fan  = Fuck

Slampa = Slut/Whore

Sat Mara = Bitch

Fjant = Twat

Din Javel  = You bastard!

Tjenare snygging = Hey good-looking (not a swearword but needed just in case)

And there you have it. Sweden. I love it.

In other news:

I saw Iron and Wine in Shepherd’s Bush and they were amazing;

I booked tickets to go to Leavesden Studios on opening day

I’m going to a Labyrinth Masquerade Ball and film showing next month

I have started making jewellery… whether this turns into a money-making thing is still up in the air but it’s fun.

And that’s all for now.

Are you jealous?