Janus again

I almost didn't write this post. I started it a few times but couldn't see it through. It is, of course, about the change of the year, 2011 regenerating into 2012. It wasn't laziness that stopped me writing it, it was not wanting to be a smug bug.

Because, without being a smug bug, 2011 was incredible. And I didn't want to post a list of all the amazing things I'd done, and believe me - they were AMAZING. It felt too showing-offy for me to be able to cope with, and, coming from a consummate and professional show off, that's saying a lot.

So what changed?

I read a book.

Oh, of course I did. It's me, after all. Almost all of my life decisions happen because I read a book. When I was 20, I read a book which culminated in me doing a skydive. That's right, the girl who was afraid of heights and had never been in a plane before cheerfully chucked herself out at 12,000ft because a book made her feel like she'd missed something.

It was amazing. But that's books for you, they lead you in the right direction.

Today, I was having a lovely day. My fox handbag arrived (no - not a real one, I didn't staple a handle to a fox's back and asked it if I could keep my make-up in its belly), I had the house to myself. I watched some Sherlock, ate some toast, drank some tea. Then I nipped off to Waterstones to pick up my copy of The Fault in Our Stars. I'd planned to read it on the plane tomorrow, I'm a fan of John Green, he's a good writer.

Thought I'd read a preliminary chapter or two, set the cogs in motion...


I'm now, some 4 hours later, covered in snot and tears. I'm ravaged. I'm a broken mess. And more than anything, I can't wait to get on a plane tomorrow and see the people I love. And that's what changed. Because I read something that reminded me I had no right at all to be ashamed of my life. For any reason.

Thing is, I'm never going to be a princess or a hero. I'm never going to find a cure for a horrid disease, or be the first person to walk on a planet. I'm never going to start or end a war, or front a rock band, or win an Oscar. I'll never lead a country, or be a martyr. History will not make a note of my name. I'm just going to live my silly, average one-in-seven-billion life.

And I'm more than fine with it. In fact, that's perfect.

I won't tell you what happens in The Fault in Our Stars, because I think you should read it. I think sometimes it's too easy to get caught up in the minutiae of life, all the 'she said so then I' stuff. And you forget that the clock is ticking and the world is bigger and stranger than you thought. And then you read a book like this and it's like being slapped in the face by an iceberg. Suddenly, the fog lifts and nasty, scary, ugly, beautiful, impossible life rears its head and gives you a short, sharp reminder that this is all fleeting. You're running out of time. And every second that passes is a second lost.  So you have to live, while and where you can. Because I might not be famous, or rich, or special. But by God, I know how to live.

And so, with no sense of shame, or embarrassment, I give you a tiny fraction of my amazing 2011:

• Florida, AGAIN, for Deathly Hallows pt 2 - a cinema full of fans, a themepark and butterbeer, Disney World and 8 days with the very best people I know
• Nykoping and Stockholm with James. GAMLA STAN!
• Ireland, many, many times - hot chocolate and moustaches and Mexican food and cake and tea and singing and Disney and Downton Abbey and dresses.
• Goteborg - Universeum, breaking into a beach, SEEING A MOOSE, eating a moose, Wizard rock and that amazing, amazing restaurant.
• Being in a film. IN A FILM. As a zombie. 
• Macclesfield: Wuthuring Heights, Radiohead, pool and Bo:Rap
• Partying with Neil, Fran and co
• Making so many wonderful new friends, Jules, Zach, Orla and so many others who I would function less ably without
• Christmas with Jules and lighting my first lantern
• Starting my own jewellery making business
• Throwing a party on Platform 9 3/4
• Going to the V&A, then dinner, then The King's Speech with my darling ones
• The Labyrinth Masquerade Ball
• Cuddle O'Clock in Lemur Town
• Pregnancy by sex-rock
• Post from Alan Rickman
• My Christmas present from Jules, via Ali Shaw
• ComicCon and spending the day with an Australian nutjob whom I adore.
• Becoming an Internet nerd-modelling pin-up sensation for 2 whole days
• Digging for dinosaurs and then catching a film... THE film
• Having it large in Stoke with G
• Staying at K-Robs and spending 3 straight days watching period dramas
• Seeing Iron and Wine again
• Oxford, Tolkien and The Eagle and Child
• Bad Taxidermy
• Hummingbird bakery
• Your Highness and milkshakes with Caitlin and Asma
• Winter Wonderland and Harrods
• Winning a knitted Dobby and a poster from WB
• Chinatown and a spontaneous sleepover 
• Cockpit invasions and being pleasantly surprised at how ace Easyjet are
• Marmaduke the Narwhal
• Reading The Night Circus
• 2.8 Hours later and almost surviving the zombie apocalypse

I'm sure I've forgotten stuff. But you get the gist.

Just live, ok? Please. Go and live. Hard as you can.

Here's to 2012. I know I say it every year, but I've not been wrong so far.

I think this is going to be the best yet.

Halfway out of the darkness... Christmas present

Right now I'm surrounded by all the mementos I've collected this year from my various travels and jaunts. There are loyalty cards for milkshake shacks, luggage tags from San Fransisco, train tickets to Wales, a flyer about Haircuts by Kids from Cork,a leaflet for ghost hunting in Edinburgh, my Snow Ball Golden Ticket, a Night of A Thousand Wizards wristband, a sign proclaiming in very bad French that I'm a loser. Numerous postcards and other train tickets, luggage tags, flyers, stickers, posters and other bits and bobs. The idea was to put them all in a notebook I bought back in Florida in summer but it turns out I've too many memories to fit inside this book. I need a notepad version of a pensieve.

Earlier we covered the resolutions I set myself last year and discovered that I'd not accomplished as many of them as I'd have liked. But this has still been the most amazing year of my life! Tenny has been good to me. Very good. Tenny has taken my life and shaken it all about and left me surrounded by awesome. I am in a snowglobe of awesome.

Here, bullet-pointed for your convenience, are the highlights:

• Climbing and almost falling off a cliff in Wales, all to see a seal
• Beguiling half of the male population of Cork just by existing (Seriously, one guy looked at me as though I was the answer to every question he'd ever had - Lizzy witnessed it too. I was dead popular)
• Watching Emerson Spartz swim rapidly away from a bunch of HH/HG shippers during the poolside screening of HBP in Florida
• Discovering that I could summon A-Carp if shit ever got real
• Discovering that bacon and maple syrup is nice
• Running through a corn maze pretending velociraptors were after me
• Standing on Mt Tam in San Fransisco and watching Turkey Buzzards fly below me
• A snow ball fight in Grey Friars graveyard and using one of my best friends as a human shield
• Helping the HPA win the Chase Community Giving grant, attending the cheque presentation and then in December making a speech at The Snow Ball about the HPA
• Hearing John Green read from Paper Towns in London and getting my copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson signed
• Going to see Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish have a chat at the BFI in London
• The National History Museum
• Seeing Iron and Wine at Union Chapel
• Scott Pilgrim, Chinese food and air hockey with Steve
• Being kidnapped by Kylie and Matt and the film-that-must-not-be-named
• Watching Ministry of Magic and Harry and the Potters play live
• Everything that has anything to do with The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• Handing out Valentines Day cards with the UK chapter of the HPA
• My first Thanksgiving dinner
• Leaving Coventry and moving to the seaside
• Sitting on the actual dock of the actual bay and watching the sea lions on Pier 39
• Having a burger, fries and shakes in a genuine diner
• Playing gin rummy and getting drunk with Pris in Old Hat
• Getting a hug from Andrew Slack
• All the art and jewellery Kylie made me
• The magic shop in Oakland
• Going to a 1930s party on a boat on the Thames
• Surprising my mum on Christmas day
• Being Harry, Ron and Hermione, AVPM style, with Emma and Emilie
• Meeting Bevin, James, Kristen, Gini, Eliza, Jonny, Rachael, Ismene and all the new friends I've made this year
• Camping overnight in Leicester Square for the DH premiere... even though I had to wait a month to see the film due to an Unbreakable Vow
• Buying my first wand at Ollivanders and having dinner at The Three Broomsticks
• Wearing a bikini in public and not spontaneously combusting
• Watching (or trying to watch) all three extended versions of LotR in one sitting
• Being the merch girl for HatP, Siriusly Hazza P and Romilda Vane and the Chocolate Cauldrons
• Every minute of The Snow Ball
• The train party on the Hogwarts Express
• Getting a lap dance during Swish and Flick (and later in the year having an 'erotic' dance off courtesy of the same band). 
• A 12 hour train journey back from Scotland all because I had to play the hero

And here are some photos of some of the awesome moments this year has had.

The market in Cork with Lizzy, Kylie and Amy

                                        

 A dance off with Emilie during The Snow Ball 2010

At the Premiere for Deathly Hallows pt 1

 Outside Hogwarts with Lizzy, Emma, Emilie, Bevin and Kylie

 Getting a lap dance during Swish and Flick in Florida

 With Kylie by the sea in Wales

 With Emilie, Asma, Kylie, Lizzy and VoldeMargo and the Deathsticks in London

 With Emilie and Emma in Florida

 Edinburgh <3

All in all it has been the most spectacular year. The only terrible thing to happen was losing my Nana in September. She was my best friend and I miss her so much more as each day passes. But it's kind of for her that I need to try and make next year as awesome as possible. And so I'm going to... and tomorrow we will detail all the things which will make Christmas Future so exciting.