Coming out

Now, if you happen to be the person who asked me on Formspring "Someone told me you are into girls. Are you? (This sounds like spam. It's really not)" then this blog isn't me finally 'fessing up. To the best of my knowledge I am heterosexual. I could be wrong, I may just have not yet met the woman for me, but realistically, I am friends with some of the most beautiful women on the planet. If they haven't managed to make fall for them, it's not likely. So if that's that's why you're here you're about to be very disappointed. This blog isn't about coming out of the closet in that way. This blog is about passion.

I am a very passionate person. When I love, I love completely. It's all-encompassing and consuming. If I give my devotion to something then it holds it almost indefinitely. Obviously, if I am betrayed then it changes but on the whole once I give something my loyalty then it's a keeper.

Everyone has passions. Some people are passionate about shoes, or sports. Some people are passionate about television series. Some are passionate about nature. But we all have something we are the most passionate about.

Check this out: 

This is the Nerd/Geek/Dork Venn diagram and can be viewed in all its glory here at Great White Snark which is where I first saw it.

The point I'm trying to make is that when we are passionate about something, we become obsessed with it. And obsession is one of the key factors in Nerd/Geek/Dorkism.

And when we have these traits, it's very hard to keep them under wraps. Our enthusiasm and zest for our chosen obsessions make them uncontainable. Our allegiance to them becomes public knowledge. We are proud of what we love and will fight for it.

But try explaining that to someone who just doesn't get it.

And that is what I mean by 'Coming out'.

It's not any kind of secret, and nor has it ever been, that I love Harry Potter. Because of HP I have done a lot of crazy things. I've met and subsequently gone to stay with people I'd only ever met on the Internet. I've attended a conference not knowing another soul there. I've flown to Scotland, Ireland and America. Across America, in fact. I've slept in Leicester Square in mid-November. This is the real deal. It's full-on Nerdtopia.

But how the hell do I explain why I, a fully-grown woman with a degree in Music Technology and a penchant for 1950's styling, am so into it?

'Why do I have to?' You ask. Well, in my line of work I work intensively with people. I spend an entire half of the year with them, living side-by-side with them. So things come out. Nothing can stay hidden. And as I said earlier, when you have a passion you want to shout it from the rooftops. To not do so, to deny or damp it down would be like a betrayal of your very soul. And also it's just polite to explain why you need two weeks holiday in mid-July and the exact time is non-negotiable. Or why you have to go to take photo's in a cinema in Norwich but not actually go and see a film. Or why you grin involuntarily when you hear certain words. When something is a big part of your life you can't hide it.

So inevitably, the time comes when I have to explain that I freaking love Harry Potter.

Reactions vary; some people don't care and just accept it; some think it's weird but OK; some think it's a sign of arrested development and that I should see a counsellor. Others ask questions and are intrigued. It's always different. I've tried a lot of ways of getting it out there too. From just saying 'I bloody well love HP' to 'Yeah, I might go - it'll be a laugh. Some of my mates like it...'

The trick is to remember that everyone has a passion. They might not think they are a nerd but they'll be nerdy about something. All you have to do is find out what it is and make sure you indulge it. And then use that to explain why it is you love what you love. Being a nerd isn't about glasses, or pocket protectors, or bad clothes, hair, shoes or any of the stuff the media tells us it's about. Being a nerd is about having passion.


So once again, I've come out. Discreetly and in a low key manner but never-the-less, I've done it. My parents know, the people I went to school with (and now only communicate with via Facebook) know, the staff in the Elephant House definitely know. And now my boss knows. My account with Nerdtopia is settled. I've been true to myself and truthful overall. I'm out.

Passion. Passion is important. Passion is the reason we get out of bed in the morning, the reason we put up with bad things, the reason we get excited about the future. And to fully embrace that passion you have to come out.

All parties should end with Riverdance

Well, since my last post I've been mired in a pit of debauchery. Or what passes for debauchery if you're a dork. So you can clear your mind of Byronic orgies and Satanic rituals. A lot of the debauchery involved tea. If you wanted something slightly more R-rated this is not the blog for you.

Last Monday I went over to London to spend some time with my new boss before heading over to my friend Rach's for tea. I would still swear now that my sole intention for the night was to have tea. I really meant it. I got there and Lizzy arrived and we had some tea and it was going nicely to plan. Then Rach mentioned she could make apple Martinis and had the ingredients... after 2 Lizzy and I decided that we should probably stay over... after 4 we decided the best thing to do would be stay up all night and watch films... then the rum came out. Why is it always the rum? We watched Sense and Sensibility, Pirates of the Caribbean, Hot Fuzz and something else and I had a very terrible case of Wizard Food Poisoning the next day. This necessitated sending people to make cups of tea which I couldn't drink and lying about on the sofa til 7pm when I managed to make my way back home.

And then it was Wednesday and I had to pack for Ireland and dye my hair... which finally happened at 1am in the morning because I was mooching on tinterweb and being a tit. When will I learn?

Ireland was ace. I love Cork. It's a brilliant city and it makes me smiley. Amy is also a brilliant host and I have never felt so cared for or welcome in my life; Tea, on the half hour, every half hour, delicious food and a comfy bed. It was bliss. Kylie arrived on the Friday and we got to go to Eddie Rockets for dinner (I have a big thing about diners - I love them) and then we went to Sin e. How I love Sin e. Last year we took up residence in there and spent a good deal of time and Euro there. So it was ace to be back and see how little has changed.

I even got to test my Sin e magic powers out and I've still got it! Last year, it was as though I was the most alluring and foxy creature to have ever existed. If I am attractive nowhere else in the world, I am a Goddess there. My latest conquests were named Padraig and Mumble. No sign of Liam though. Sadface.

Then it was Saturday and party day! We went over to Dunnes stores, which is a bit like what would happen if Marks and Spencers and Primark had a dirty fling and made a baby. It's got all the class (and produce) of a Marks's but with the nice prices of Primark. And a lot less child labour.

Kylie and I were responsible for cocktails and we had a list which was all planned out nicely... until we discovered you cannot buy Cream Soda in Ireland. You can get around 18 different types of lemonade but no Cream Soda. Which was essential for the Butterbeer. We also couldn't get pumpkin for the Pumpkin Juice. So in the end we decided just to use whatever we could find in the liquor cabinet and wing it.

We carried all of the liqour into the kitchen and then had a fun half an hour making cocktails and trying them. We made one called a Black Cat and a very odd kind of Firewhiskey but my favourite was the Chocolate Cauldron, which we made in honour of Amy.

To make your own Chocolate Cauldron you will need:

A jar of Nutella
Some Ice
Kahlua
Baileys

Pour a lot of Baileys and Kahlua into a blender. Add ice. Add three-four heaped tablespoons of Nutella and blend. Pour. Drink.

Trust me, it's nice. And Amy's dad said I could easily forge a career in cocktail making. So there you have it.

The party was brilliant, we were all dressed up as HP characters, I was Moaning Myrtle, Kylie was Lily, Amy was Hermione, Lucy was Luna, Mary was Tonks, Martha was Ginny... I think Aileen was Bellatrix and Amy's sister came as Amy's sister. But she is cool without a costume. We had crudites and fajitas and cake and icecream and meringues that Amy made herself (her meringues were frakking amazing) and then we danced!

Highlights include watching Luna give birth to the creepy Harry Potter doll Kylie had brought (not as creepy as good old Slasher, but creepy enough); everyone bar Martha doing Wuthering Heights and ending the party with Riverdance.

I'm not kidding.

Amy and Martha made us all line up and then do the Riverdance. And I'm not going to lie, we were good. Award winningly good.

Sunday we relaxed for a bit and then headed into town, where I bought PoA in the fancy new covers and sparked a whole plan* for the year. We had the best ever hot chocolate at O'Conaill's (seriously - milk and dark praline ALL THE WAY). We had a curry and then sat up doing jigsaws and chatting til around half 4. New plans were formed and it was all kinds of good.

Then home. Unhappy faces.

I've tried to spend this week being slightly less debauched and slightly more grown up, in preparation for work next week. I can get back to the debauchery after that - the day of Culture! has been planned and it's going to be fun.

So it's been a busy week. Lots of friends and fun and late nights and sleepy mornings and stuff that wasn't in the plan. But that's the best kind of stuff. I reckon, anyway. 

By the way - I also had my very first ever special 'massage' at airport security. The lady who caressed me had very soft hands and she was firm, but gentle. I thought afterwards we might go for dinner or see a movie but I guess it was not to be. I will tell you one thing though - they are bloody thorough.

And also thanks and kudos to Amy's dad who was the sweetest and most generous dad ever - especially when faced with a household of ladies. Ladies who like to sing a lot. He was a true hero.

Lucy as Luna, me as Moaning Myrtle, Kylie as Lily and Martha as Ginny.

*the plan is to buy a copy with a new cover on every adventure I go on - that way I'll collect them all and they'll all have fab memories of crazy times attached.

How to write a YA Vampire Novel

Earlier tonight, a friend was telling me about the vampire Young Adult fiction she was currently reading. After a while, I noticed there was a bit of a trend in the core matter, let's not say 'formulaic' but that there were certain similarities in the storylines of many of the vamp fics available today..

So, for your reading pleasure and entertainment, may I present my guide to writing Vampire Fiction for a YA audience.

1.  You need a Heroine. She needs to be gawky, clumsy, scrawny and to all intents and purposes 'unattractive'... until someone hands her a mascara wand whereupon she will miraculously become a proper little stunner. She, in short, is just like us! She's not especially pretty or clever, she's just an average girl in an average world. Except she is stunningly pretty and a genius, it's just she's so modest and unassuming she doesn't know it! Could she be more perfect? YES! Because she has a secret power! A power which makes her a freak initially, but is later revealed to be the BEST THING EVER. A power which she can use to defeat all evil and darkness. She's soooooo special. That's why she's the Heroine. And not a bit like us. Unless the secret power is causing trains to break down. Then she's a lot like me.

2.  She must be at school, preferably boarding school but definitely under 18. Vampires hate anyone over 18. Older than 18 = Too old. No-one wants to spend eternity with someone with laughter lines. If you're over 18 then immortality is not for you. You're just dinner. Sorry. Also, school adds an opportunity for a repressed sort of setting and some ritualistic torture in the form of a dance. Very important that formal, dress up occasions occur. How else will the frumpy Heroine get to show us all what a stone-cold fox she can be?

3.  There needs to be a hot vampire Hero. Super hot. The kind of hot that makes Johnny Depp look like John Sergeant. He has to be the hottest creature that ever existed. He is handsome, hench, clever, romantic, funny and just a little bit dangerous. And he will fall hopelessly in love with the Heroine. Almost instantly. Before her he was barren and desolate of all feeing, but now he's seen her he cannot rest until he has won her heart. But he will mask all of this by being rude and obnoxious to her, doing everything he can to appear repulsive. But it's ok! It's just a ruse to hide how much he cares for her!

4.  There will be a clique of beautiful, popular people. And they will hate the Heroine. They will never like her.

Never.

Until the Hero admits that behind his cruel exterior, his heart metaphorically beats only for her. Then they will love her and she will abandon the losers she has, until then, called her friends.

5.  The Sidekick/ best friend. Genuinely ugly/frumpy/overweight/stupid. You need one of these to act as a foil for the Heroine. How else will we see how awesome she is if we don't get to see the troll she knocks around with until the beautiful people accept her? And then eat her. That's right, we need a Sidekick as cannon fodder. The Sidekick is going to die. This will give the Heroine a noble purpose and a bit of depth. God knows she needs it. 

    

6.  A secret and underground plot/organisation will exist. So secret we will know all about them by chapter four. Only the Heroine can thwart this diabolical occurrence. And at great peril to herself. Despite the fact she is a schoolgirl, she will somehow have the knowledge and power to overthrow the entire plot. 

7.  The Heroine and Hero will undergo a very very traumatic break-up. They will both pine and weep. Nothing can heal their wounds. Their nights are haunted by dreams of being in each other's arms. Their days are spent chasing shadows which look like each other. At least, until the Heroine meets The Love Rival. Then she'll miraculously rally. Atta girl. 

8.  The Love Rival. Impossibly, another man of exquisite beauty exists and guess what? He falls in love with the Heroine too! What are the chances?! But he will always be thwarted because, despite the fact he is a deeply better person than the Hero, the Heroine will dump him as soon as the Hero returns to claim her back. But in all likelihood she'll keep him dangling anyway, tossing a few kisses his way every now and then. These will be 'mistakes' designed to stop him ever having a chance at happiness. This, much like the Hero's mentalist behaviour, is perfectly OK. 

9.  There will be a distinct lack of parents/guardians/authority figures. They may only show up to show unresolved tension in the Heroine's past or to provide comic relief. They will certainly never show up or be mentioned during any kind of apocalypse/ nefarious event which the Heroine is single-handedly battling. This is why boarding schools are useful. 

And there you have it. Don't worry too much about any further plot, you can fill any gaps with a bit of snogging or brooding. 

Good luck!

I am not a professional writer so don't take this too seriously :)